


Never Let Me Go

by NoOnexxx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ben Solo is alive, F/M, Fix-It, Leia is alive, Multi, Panic Syndrome, Post TROS, Post-Canon, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Sexual Content, Soft Ben Solo, anxiety crisis, fixing my heart after TROS, mild violence, multi-chapter, post trauma disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOnexxx/pseuds/NoOnexxx
Summary: After defeating the First Order and the imperial forces resurfaced in Exegol, an apparent peace is taking place throughout the galaxy. While the Resistance celebrates the victory, some of its members are wary of the presence of the former Supreme Leader among them.Ben goes on a journey to prove his redemption to the Republic and to try to make up for the years of terror he caused as Kylo Ren.But, will Rey’s love and his mother’s support be enough to lift him out of the shadow of the monster he once was?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 36
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my attempt to write an ending that our poor boy deserves! I hope you enjoy reading this as much I enjoyed writing...  
> Just clarifying... I am not a native English speaker, you will probably find many grammatical problems in the text... so I ask you to be kind and patient with me...  
> I'm having the help of the wonderful Perry Downing at the beginning of the story (if you've never read any of her stories, do it! Its so great and well writing! The best)  
> Thank you so so so so much Perry for your help! You´re the kindest...  
> As she is very busy with her own work, I need a permanent beta ... if any of you are willing to help me, just let me know in the comments!  
> Enjoy the reading ;)

Chapter 1

The arena was silent. The pieces of stone that shattered a few minutes ago, destroying the pillars of that dark temple were now mere remnants of rock on the floor. The followers of Palpatine's macabre sect lay beneath these same rocks, silencing their prayers and wicked cries forever.

Even the explosions of the battle, that took place in the space above, had ceased. The sound of victory was this, none. Only the peaceful silence that was established in that accursed place, source of so much evil Force and cruel rituals, and that now was just a heap of dust and stones, a mausoleum for the dark side of the force and the Sith.

As the imperial cruisers fell one by one, the galaxy's starry sky became more apparent among the ocean of ships that made up the new Resistance allies. The red nebula that surrounded Exegol was rapidly disappearing, since the cause of this phenomenon had been destroyed, leaving only the deep and infinite black of the universe as the background for the victors.

Amid the rubble of the arena, a spotlight was present, cutting through the darkness of that place and illuminating the stage of what was the most important and decisive event of that day and of the whole war.

Where the Sith were definitively destroyed, where peace has returned to the galaxy and where a new connection has finally blossomed. From a feeling that was already there inside these two people, but due to the fact that they were fighting for opposite sides and for the shadow of the dark side that divided them, both were not allowed to demonstrate.

Ben's arms wrapped around Rey in a tight, protective hug, it couldn't be any different. Seconds ago his entire world was on the floor. Her limp, lifeless body was the only thing left of this girl who had plagued his thoughts and heart for more than a year, and that he abandoned absolutely everything to save. Risking suffering with retaliation from both the First Order and the Resistance. But none of that mattered as the Force screamed inside his mind that he should go after her.

He could blame the bond or the Dyad, but Ben felt, he knew, that it was something more than that, and not just the side effect of a connection between two Force users. And now, with Rey's weight on him, her thin figure occupying the space between his arms, her beautiful smile directed at him and his name, his real name, coming out of her lips, he was even more sure of his decision.

When Ben felt her hand touching his, after transferring all the healing energy he possessed to her, as a last desperate attempt to save her, he could not believe that it had worked and that the Force was merciful enough to bring her back to him.

“Ben,” said Rey with a smile.

That smile was for him and him alone. It was so beautiful and, mixed with the relief he felt, he couldn't contain his own. In so many years, he had not smiled a smile that it now felt like something new on his face.

He analyzed every detail of her, every freckle, scar and scratch of her, still not believing in this blessing. Their faces have never been closer than they are now, not even on that elevator in the Supremacy more than a year ago. He could feel the warm, and full of life, breath coming out of her lips and hitting his. Rey gently touches Ben's face, even with a slight hesitation, and approaches.

Rey touched her lips to his and Ben's heart beat even more wildly than for everything that happened that day. He couldn't help but bring her as close to him as possible by wrapping her tight in his arms.

Her lips were as soft as nothing he had ever touched. Her breath on his cheek made it all even more real. She was there ... kissing him ... Even if it wasn't an open-mouthed kiss, it was still better than any dream he had during this period that they were separated, when not even the Force allowed them to see each other through bond, dreams that he was trying to convince himself that he didn't want them, didn't want her. Who did he want to deceive, but himself? It was all silly now. She was there, with him, and she was sweet.

He couldn't describe exactly what he felt, the bond pulsed with the Force around them, as if in a sign of approval. Even fate wanted this kiss to happen, it was no wonder they were a Dyad. But regardless, Ben was full of happiness and satisfaction, mainly due to the fact that she kissed him, she wanted him. And that was all he needed, to know that she wanted this, wanted them.

Rey slowly moved away from him, continuing to stare at him with the expectation of a positive reaction from him. Ben smiled even wider at her, showing all his charmingly crooked teeth. It was perfect, everything was perfect. 

Ben rested his forehead on hers and they both smiled at each other for another moment, still trying to absorb everything that had happened. The truth about Rey's parents, the threat of the imperial secret fleet, the knights of Ren ... Palpatine ... seemed so small compared to the grandeur of Rey's life and the kiss that she gifted him with.

“Rey ... I ... “ Ben tries to find the right words to say to her ... without much success. “I ... I don't know what to say!”

“Ben Solo finally doesn't know what to say!“ she says playfully.

“That's what you do to him ... to me.”

Rey smiles even more widely and returned to caress Ben's cheeks affectionately, causing a feeling of anticipation in the young man. Would she give me another kiss? Please, for the Force! Please!

Before Rey could get any closer, a spotlight of light focused on them catching their attention. The unique Millennium Falcon flies over the destroyed arena as a hope for a safe exit from this accursed place. It was clear that the ship had suffered damage in the battle, the transmission antenna needed to be changed again, but the figure of the ship, which Rey thought of as her home, that landed to rescue them was extremely familiar and comforting.

Rey can feel the signature of the Force from everyone inside. There were four people in total ... including Finn and Chewbacca. The young Jedi's heart warmed with the realization that her friends were alive and well ... she could not wait to hug them and celebrate their victory together.

As soon as the ship landed and opened the access ramp, a familiar voice spoke to them through the Falcon's speaker.

“Kiss her later, Benny Boy! Let´s get out of here! I have a party to attend!“ Lando Calrissian's unmistakable voice is heard through the microphone, and Ben is disconcerted by the mention of his childhood nickname.

Ben realizes that Rey is slightly flushed by the comment, but she is still smiling, which was a relief, he knew that this would be just the first of Lando's “jokes”.

===

They both hurry to get up, but in his euphoria, Ben forgets how bad his leg was, it sure was broken and now he also noticed that some of his ribs were not doing well either. As soon as he tries to get off the ground he stumbles again and groans in pain. Rey turns to help him, even though he knows that his weight was too much for a woman of her stature, even though she was physically well prepared. He doesn't have much choice but to use her shoulders as a support to get up. At least that's what he thought, until he saw Chewbacca coming down the Falcon ramp, running to help Rey get him on board.

Ben leans on Chewee's high shoulders, throwing all his weight at him, releasing Rey from the burden of supporting his massive figure. Chewbacca was being as careful as possible, at least as much as a wookiee could be. As much as he was grateful for his help, Ben was unable to face his father's old friend as the creature dragged him toward the access ramp. It could be due to the distraction that the pain in his body caused, that he was now becoming much more conscious, or just because of the shame ...

They hurried to board and went straight to Falcon's medical wing. They passed quickly through the corridors of the familiar ship while they heard the sound of the engines and felt the floor below them becoming more and more unstable, indicating that they were already taking off.

Rey ran ahead of them, making his way to the beds. Before placing him on one of the treatment beds, Chewbacca lifted Ben's tall, heavy body under his arms, just like a small child, the wookiee did it so easily that even an adult like Ben looked like a baby.

As soon as Chewie lifted him, almost hitting the man's head on the ship's ceiling, the wookiee gave Ben a warning howl that his hair even flew back.

If Rey did not understand wookiee or the context of the situation, she would find the scene even comical. But it was quite different from it ... much different…

“I know ...“ says Ben with a regretful look “I know, Chewie ... I'm ... I'm sorry ...“ Ben's eyes were already watering.

Chewbacca calms down and looks at Ben affectionately, remembering that little boy who was his best friend's puppy. Then he gives Ben a tight hug, forgetting, or simply ignoring, the fact that the man has a broken rib. Now maybe more than one ... Ben tries to say something between his groans of pain.

“Chewie ... Chewie ... let's lay him down! He's still hurt,“ says Rey trying to calm the wookiee, and Ben thanks her immensely at this moment.

He lays him on the medical bed and turns on the monitors.

“I'll take care of him Chewie, go help Lando!”

Chewie agrees and with one last look at Ben he leaves the medical wing, heading towards the cockpit.

“REY!“ a familiar voice calls from the corridor.

As soon as the wookiee walks through the door, Finn breaks into the ward, panting and worried, looking for his friend. Instantly Finn's gaze became happy and relieved, so much that he did not notice the presence of the man he knew as Kylo Ren lying on one of the beds.

Rey and Finn collide in a tight hug, full of affection and relief. It was clear the affection they both had between them, which made Ben slightly jealous ... he had never had anything like that with any friend, in fact, he never had a real friend. And the intimacy that those two clearly had was enviable. Would it be like that for him and Rey from now on?

Finn finally notices Ben's presence in the room. The ex-stormtrooper is disconcerted and surprised for a moment, but soon his features change to a look of recognition and even ... gratitude. The Force was talking to him, Ben could feel it. Even though Finn can't quite explain how the Force was doing, he can feel the light emanating from Ben Solo.

“I ... er ...” Finn tries awkwardly to start a conversation after the embarrassing moment. “You are alive! And you look ... terrible! I mean ... you are fine! But terrible.”

Rey looks at her friend with a certain ... strangeness. So Ben takes the initiative to ease the situation.

“Thank you ... er ... FN ...?”

“Finn, my name is Finn.”

“Alright ... Finn.“ Ben smiles discreetly at Finn, who returns the greeting with a nod and also a slight lift of his lips.

“Rey ... what happened?”

Rey is immediately tense, which does not go unnoticed by her friend. She knew that at one time or another he deserved to know the truth about her, but Rey isn’t ready now ... and maybe not too soon. The trauma was too recent.

“I'll explain Finn ... but not now ... all I want is to get out of here.”

“Sure Sure! Let's get into the lightspeed out of this hell ...!“ Finn is interrupted by a female voice.

“I ... I'll be right back! It’s better to connect the scanner to him and assess the damage ...“ says Finn pointing at Ben. “He doesn't look very comfortable.“ Then he leaves the ward before receiving any response, and once again, Rey and Ben are alone, now safe and sound.

Rey approaches and sits on the floor beside the bed. She takes Ben's hand again, stroking the back of his hand with her fingers, flooding him with her light, soothing energy. She still doesn’t believe how touching him was becoming so easy and unrestricted. All that contempt she felt for him had evaporated like smoke. She kicked herself mentally ... Kylo Ren was despicable, the man in front of her was Ben Solo, and Ben Solo was everything but that. Even his signature in the Force had changed. There was no more conflict, no anger ... just light.

They stared at each other intensely, Ben couldn't help but smile as he looked at her and those beautiful hazel eyes. The thought that for a moment he had lost her forever, made his chills run down his spine. But it doesn’t matter, the Force had been merciful to him, even though he didn't deserve it.

He covered her grip with his other hand and returned the affection gently, massaging her fingers.

Rey discreetly raises her other hand towards Ben's injured leg and closes her eyes in concentration. As soon as he realized her intentions, he gently took her by the arm and stopped her.

“Rey, no! You are still very weak ...“ says Ben scolding her in a low voice so that the other crew members cannot hear them.

“I don't feel weak, I'm more alive than ever. If I can help you, I see no reason for you continue in pain...”

“Force healing is life transfer, Rey. Right now, you have to spare yours!”

“It's simple, Ben! Stop being so stubborn. Some broken bones are not the same as a lightsaber pierce in the stomach,“ she says with slight smugness.

“I just lost you, Rey, I don't want to take the risk. Please, I couldn't bear it...“ he interrupts, unable to think about the possibility of losing her again.

Ben looks at her pleadingly and Rey sighs in resignation and reluctance.

“Okay, if you want to stay in pain until we reach the Resistance base, the choice is yours.”

“It is easier to be in pain for a few hours than to explain to everyone how I just walked out of the Falcon and I entered being carried by a wookiee. And when they do, you'll have a line behind you to use your miracle cure.

“Finn and Chewie already know!”

“But the others don't! We cannot be playing with such a new and inexplicable power. Please, Rey, I don't want to discuss this right now ... I just want to enjoy that you're alone with me before I have to share you with an entire galaxy ...“ Ben's eyes were dramatically pleading.

“Okay ... you win!“ She smiles and her face is slightly pink “But you will promise me that as soon as we land you will go directly to the infirmary and do ALL the treatments that the doctor tells you!”

“I promise, if you promise to keep this power secret for now.”

“You have a deal, Solo.”

Both are silent and with their hands tied for a few more moments. He realizes that Rey's gaze has grown distant and thoughtful. Before he could ask what happened, she manifests herself as if realizing his anxiety.

“Ben ... if healing someone with the Force is transferring life ... and I was dead ... how ... how are you still here?“ Rey was clearly concerned.

“I don't know, Rey ... I don't know ...”

“Prepare to jump to hyperspace!“ says Lando's voice through the communication system and soon after that, both feel the impulse indicating that the Falcon had made its leap into hyperspace.

Ben was officially heading to a new reality, which even with his redemption, he still feels chills and a heaviness in his stomach when thinking about what is awaiting him, which according to his intuition, is not a bed of roses.

===

They hear a light tapping on the metal that made up the walls and quickly look in the direction of the sound.

Lando Calrissian was leaning against the entrance to the ward looking at the young couple. His pompous robes and smug posture were exactly as Ben remembered, the only difference was the greater number of white hairs on his head and mustache, but the trickster and malicious look was the same.

“Good to see you are well, Rey. I am really happy that a young woman so powerful and beautiful once again managed to get away from that mummy. As you know, you are not the first one I know.”

“I had a lot of help.“ Rey smiles and looks at Ben.

“Speaking of your savior, I would like to have a word with him. And your friend back there needs a word with you, too.”

Rey nods and heads to the door, but not without giving Ben one last comforting look.

“So ... you went to a creepy dark temple, with hundreds of traps, highly trained bodyguards and zero plan to save your girl?”

Ben liked that, your girl.

“Well ...“ says Ben with mild discomfort “I think so ... yes.”

“That’s my boy.” Lando smiles in approval at Ben and quickly returns to the cockpit after the old man's curiosity has been sated, the fruit never falls far from the tree.

===

The starfighters were gathering in the base's hangar. One by one the X-wings and the other battleships were coming out of hyperspace in the sky above and landing. Many of the allies who appeared in Exegol under Lando's leadership were also arriving to celebrate. Ships of all colors and shapes, representing the cultural diversity of the new supporters. As well as the diversity of planets in favor of the cause.

The pilots rushed out of the cockpits to embrace their surviving friends. Laughter, tears and cheers of celebration were heard throughout the base. The party was already forming, emotion and relief was taking over each member of the Resistance. Whether it is meeting a loved one alive after the battle, or honoring those who did not make it.

Leia can't help but smile at the scene. Once again, the galaxy was at peace, once again the victory was theirs.

As much as the atmosphere was festive, the general's heart was tight, the celebration, however much as it made sense, still had no place for her. She hasn't heard a word about Ben yet, or the nefarious name Snoke gave him.

With the First Order defeated there should be news about their Supreme Leader, shouldn't it? The lack of information made her anxious, but she still had not given up hope. She would never lose it, not as long as Ben could still be alive, not while there was still a chance that he might return to her arms.

As if the Force heard her prayers, the Millennium Falcon appears in the sky above her and she instantly feels her son's presence inside the ship. Such a familiar and comforting signature, which she knew from the first moment that that little cell lodged in her uterus, and which was practically the same since then, sometimes darker, sometimes more illuminated, but in general always the same.

As soon as the Falcon started its landing, Leia was frantic to reach the center of the yard. The combatants made way for their general, saluting her with victorious shouts and gestures, among other more formal greetings. Anticipation made sure that she couldn't repay them all.

The Falcon docked and the ramp was opened. And seconds later, which seemed like an eternity to Leia, Chewbacca and Rey left the ship, helping a Ben with great difficulty to walk.

All the Resistance greets them in joy, especially Rey. The cheers of celebration were even louder to receive the warrior who saved everyone, whose story would be told for generations after this day. The screams stop when everyone realizes the presence of Leia facing the Falcon access ramp, thus attracting the attention of the trio that disembarked.

Despite all the dirt and battle wounds, Leia recognized her son immediately. She would always recognize him, whether he wore a mask or not. Even injured his way of walking was the same. His silhouette was more massive than the last time they properly met, when he was training with Luke.

He was not so young anymore, his face was much more mature and his eyes carried the weight of those who saw and did many things throughout the years. But he was there. After years, her little boy, no longer so little, was only steps away from her.

Ben stops for a moment, making Rey and Chewbacca stop, too. He looks up, meeting his mother´s eyes, who is waiting for him at the end of the ramp. Ben feels his eyes grow wet, she looked at him with such love that the fear that he felt minutes ago disappeared. There was no longer any doubt that she would welcome him, even though he knew he did not deserve all the affection in her eyes, not after all that he had put her through all these years. All the crimes and atrocities ... at that moment it doesn’t matter, Leia had her son back.

She smiles at her son, encouraging him to come closer. Rey and Chewie take Ben to meet her. The figure of the general was even smaller when compared to the man of almost two meters in front of her. Both look at each other for another moment, no longer holding back tears. Ben's regret was almost palpable, so much that he was barely able to face her.

Leia touches his face, wiping away his tears and looking up. She transmits by Force waves of love and forgiveness, which move Rey and Ben. Words were not necessary. The connection between mother and son was greater than any other. Finally, they break the remaining distance between them and embrace each other warmly, trying to make up for years of pain and longing in an embrace.

Over Ben's shoulder, Leia looks at Rey with a look of gratitude like the young Jedi has never seen. The general reaches out one arm and pulls her to share the hug.

“Thank you. Thank you very much,“ Leia whispers in Rey's ear and the young woman does not contain her tears.

From the ship's door, Lando observes the reunion of mother and son, smiling widely as the entire Resistance once again salutes its heroes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben doesn't get the best news from the doctor. Leia is unable to keep her happiness at her son's return and Rey accepts her role as a nurse without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, guys! I hope you like it! A special thanks to Jo (or burnsidekobatneska on Tumblr) for helping me edit this chapter <3 you are the best.

The medical wing of the base is nothing like what he's used to. The exam rooms seem improvised, yet they are extremely clean and have relatively quality equipment.

Ben remains immobile while Dr. Zara handles the scanner on him. She is silent, focused on the report the machine is generating. It ends up being uncomfortable. He doesn't know who is treating him or most of the people around him.

He knows that his mother is on the other side of the door, he can feel her proximity and catch a glimpse of her figure through the glass window. Rey is nowhere to be seen. Last time he saw her, she was talking to Leia while a team was taking him to the medical wing. After that, only his mother accompanied him during the exams.

The first signs of anxiety are already showing. Dr. Zara has asked him to be quiet a few times, but he can't stay still while being surrounded by people who, up until a few hours ago, were his enemies, and without Rey to defend him.

Ben laughs internally, he's becoming dependent on her. It is obvious that even with a broken leg and a bad rib he can defend himself against a simple group of doctors and nurses. But perhaps the defense he is concerned with is not anything physical ...

“It looks like you did a great deal of damage to that leg.” says Dr. Zara trying to relax. “Nothing that can't be solved, though. Your rib is not as bad as I imagined when I saw you walking. It's just cracked, bacta sprays will help.”

Leia enters the room and immediately goes to her son's side. Rey still can't be seen anywhere...

“What is the prognosis, Dr. Zara?” The general asks with clear concern.

“It's not so bad. The leg is obviously broken, but the rest can be cured with simple treatments. But we have a problem, General…”

-”And what is it?” Leia asks,attentive to the doctor's answer.

“This leg will only heal with a bacta tank treatment, but we don't have the needed volume and... it won’t be delivered until tomorrow.”

Ben lets out a frustrated sigh, one night with that aching legwould be hellish. He is doing everything he can to hide his discontent. An angry reaction would be disastrous. Those people don't trust him, he can't give them any more reason to consider him an imminent threat. So he takes a deep breath and tries to be as courteous as possible with the doctor.

“And the pain? Is there any medication available to make it better?”

Dr. Zara looks at Ben in surprise. The man hadn't said a word since she rescued him on the landing pad and brought him to the medical wing.

“Of course! Don't worry about the pain, we have enough painkillers to make you forget you have a broken leg.”she says politely and then turns to Leia. “Anyway, the forecast for the arrival of the bacta is for tomorrow morning. We will stabilize the most seriously injured and then treat others with the stock we still have.”

“Thank you, Dr. Zara.”Not a problem, General Organa. Now I am going to administer the pain medication, and I advise him to take a shower to avoid wound infections. Then he will be sent to the infirmary to rest.”

“Thanks again.”

The doctor apologizes and heads towards the med droids, leaving Ben and Leia alone for a moment.

“Where is Rey, mother?” Ben asks, worried and anxious.

“She is doing her own assessment and exams, a few meters down the hall, I could not let her forget her own welfare to accompany you. After all, I could do this myself.” Says Leia with a little smile as she squeezes Ben's hand.

“Is she fine? What did the doctors say?”

“Of course she is fine... you’re asking as if you didn’t know her. Don't worry about her, she is right here and is not going anywhere. Just give her a moment.”

Two med droids approach him and start pushing Ben's stretcher out of the exam room.

+++

The bath chamber is spacious and comfortable. It’s visibly adapted for users with reduced mobility, with iron bars on the walls and exercise benches under the shower.

The med droids quickly remove his clothes and left the room shortly thereafter. Ben is finally alone, which, on the one hand, is a relief. The discomfort of being in the midst of the Resistance is obvious to anyone. The curious looks have followed him since he disembarked, some even those of judgement, these last ones coming from the people who know who he was with the mask on... and what he had done. One of the deadliest came from the man everyone called Poe Dameron. He was waiting thereto welcome Rey and Finn, the three of them clearly shared a strong friendship. Which made him... well... jealous, and even made him feel a twinge of envy. Friends are not very frequent in his life...

Wrapped in his thoughts, Ben is startled when the door opens, and for a moment, a little while, he thinks it's Rey... he wants it to be her. Even though it is still too early for that... it is too good to be true, and in the end it is not.

Leia enters the chamber with a mischievous smile on her lips when she sees her son's surprised reaction soon change to one of disappointment. Aw… the youth...

“Sorry if I'm not who you expected, I'm clearly not as pretty as she is, but I didn't think you would be so disappointed!” Leia's playful smile widens even further as Ben's cheeks become even redder.

“Yeah ... er …” Ben says, trying to hide his discomfort as he hides his private parts, to no avail “Honestly, I didn't expect you to come... here... now”

“Stop it, Ben! I changed your diapers when you were a baby, I know everything you have down there.” says Leia as she turns on the faucet and grabs a sponge and soap. “Things may have changed a lot.. but for me you will always be that little baby that woke me up at dawn to clean your butt.”

Ben returns the smile and watches her as she wets the soap-filled sponge and rubs his back.

“Thank you, mom.” he says affectionately.

She stops for a moment what she was doing and looks at her son tenderly.

“I missed you, my boy. Very much…” in your eyes there is nothing more than love and tenderness.

The both of them hug with teary eyes.

+++

After that, dressed in hospital gowns, the med droids return to the bath chamber to fetch Ben and take him to the infirmary.

Leia is always at her son's side. Years of separation were almost too much for her, she feels she is one step away from insanity. But it doesn't matter anymore, Ben is back, her boy has come back to light, and she won't waste another moment.

The drugs are already working, the pain in Ben's leg and rib has decreased dramatically. He is even more willing to get up and go to his bed alone, but he knows that he cannot force his injured leg, and no one would allow him even if he wanted to. Ben snorts in frustration as he lets himself be carried away by those machines.

When they arrive at the infirmary door, Ben is filled with satisfaction when he sees that Rey is there, waiting for him. But his contentment diminishes when he realizes who is accompanying her.

Rey and Poe Dameron are having a conversation ... heated so to speak. It is hardly a fight, but the fire in Rey and the commander's eyes indicated that they are on the verge of one.

When he realizes Ben's presence, Rey interrupts the conversation quickly and walks up to him with a smile, a beautiful smile, leaving a very sulky commander behind. After shooting a deadly look at Ben, Poe heads for the locker room.

“Ben!” Rey says happily as he approaches and grabs Ben's hand.

“Rey! Where were you? It's all right?” he asks worriedly.

“Yes, yes, don't worry, the General insisted that I do a check up to see if I'm okay.” says Rey, shyly addressing Leia, who smiles at her. “Before you ask, I have nothing more than a few scratches. And how are you? What did they say? How's your leg?”

“Broken, as expected. But what matters is that you're okay, Rey. Some broken bones aren't going to kill me.”

“Don't be silly, you are important too. Do you feel any pain?”

“Not now, after a dose of analgesics not even Chewie would feel anything.”

She smiles again and nods. Ben watches her closely, trying to find any injuries she might be hiding in order not to worry him. Rey had clearly showered and dressed in clean clothes, too. A white set of pants and blouse, a more comfortable version of the ones she wore in battle and for training. The dirt and blood on her face are gone, there are only small bandages and clean scratches. Her hair is damp and loose from her usual three buns.

The only thing Ben can do is thank the Force. Thank it for her life and the privilege of having her with him now. To be able to hold her hand freely, whenever he wants to, to feel the warmth of her skin, the life inside her, is worth every second of pain he’ll feel until he gets his treatment with bacta, that and more, much more.

She has never looked so beautiful. Her hair is medium length, a dark brown, which frames her beautiful young face and contrasts with her skin that is gradually lightening more and more, and that used to be tanned by all those years years under the hot sun of Jakku. It was a privilege for him to have her look so comfortable and casual around him, even after all they had been through.

Rey squeezes her hand even tighter in his, both of them stroking each other's fingers. A discreet but precious affection.

The med droids allocate him to one of the beds in the infirmary. They check his bandages and spray bacta on his superficial wounds, including his rib. As soon as the droids finish all the necessary procedures in Ben, Rey and Leia approach his bed.

“There are so many things I want to say to both. Especially you, Rey. I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done for Ben.” Leia shakes hands with the young Jedi in gratitude.

“I didn't really do anything, Master. Ben came back to the Light on his own.” Rey smiles at Ben.

“I had a little help.” Ben winks at them both, making Rey blush with the gesture. “You deserve the credit, Rey. My mom is right. I left the First Order for you, went to Exegol to save you. You may not have been the whole solution, but you was a big part of it.”

Both look at each other with intensity. They don’t seem to beconcerned with hiding anything, especially Ben, and this does not go unnoticed by Leia. She watches the two with a small smile on her lips, one doesn't need to be a genius to realize that there is something else going on between them. But she wouldn't comment on anything for now, they both had had their share of embarrassment for a day, they deserved time for themselves, alone. Many things still needed to be said to each other.

“Excuse me, duty calls. My presence is expected at the party they are organizing outside. Lando is very dedicated to this.” says Leia as she leans over Ben and places a kiss on her son's forehead. She squeezes Rey's hand affectionately and quickly leaves the room.

“Leia Organa ... always dedicated to her duty, no matter what.” says Ben with a sigh.

Rey looks at him with a serious expression, as if he has said something that worries her.

“Don't worry, Rey. It was just a comment that was meant to be funny.” he smiles reassuringly.

“Hope so. I know you still have unsolved issues. I worry about you two.” Rey squeezes Ben's hand, drawing circles with her fingers lovingly.

“I have unresolved issues with practically the entire galaxy. My mother and I are already putting everything in order. The way it should be.”

“Well, that's very good, Ben.”

Rey finally relaxes her shoulders and lets out a little sigh. She knows that, from now on, Ben will go through a difficult process of adaptation. The future is so uncertain that even thinking about it frightens her. Anything could happen. Ben could be rejected, put in trial, arrested, killed... His fate is in the hands of the upper echelons of the Resistance, and probably not everyone is as willing to forgive him as Leia. Rey knew that Poe is not, he made sure to make it clear to her.

Ben watches her closely. Rey doesn't even realize that she is silent and lost in thought. She continues to nervously stroke his hand while staring at a spot in nowhere. He gently pulls her hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a tender kiss on the back of it, managing to get her attention.

“Rey ... please ... don't torture yourself with this. Everything will be fine.”

“Promise?” she looks at him as if she is on the verge of breaking. A weakness that he has seen few times in her.

“I promise, now come here. I haven't had you around for hours, I'm on the verge of a breakdown.”

“You’re exaggerating.” Rey smiles at the silly comment.

“Always.”

Ben pulls her by the hand again until she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, moving closer to him. Rey is cautious, she doesn't want to risk hurting him while sharing a space as narrow as a hospital bed. She knew he was probably not as comfortable as possible. Ben is a big, tall man, his shoulders are almost off the bed and the mattress must not be of enough quality to support his massive frame. But he still doesn't complain.

The curtains around the bed gave them some privacy, even though they were not completely alone in the infirmary. Little by little more wounded arrived, some conscious, others already sedated. Everyone is strangely allocated away from Ben's bed, who, even while focused in the presence of Rey, did not fail to notice this detail. He is fully aware of the reason, but he doesn't care, as it allows him to have even more privacy with her.

Ben tries to settle better on the narrow bed and lets out a slight moan of discomfort. Even medicated, his back was still killing him after sleeping on this mattress. His discomfort did not go unnoticed by Rey.

“You know you don't need to be going through any of this. If you let me …”

“No, Rey!” he interrupts her. “Please, we’ve already talked about it. It would be very difficult to explain the fact that I walked down the corridors after the fracture diagnosis. We agreed to keep it a secret.”

“Okay, okay! As you wish, you stubborn...” says Rey in resignation. “But I will use it if it comes to it! Whether you like it or not.”

“Only if it’s an emergency. Not while in a medical center and with medicines available.” he emphasizes, making the conditions for using this power very clear.

-”Yes sir.” she says rolling her eyes, and Ben smiles.

“And I don't want to miss the opportunity to have you as my nurse tonight.”

Rey rolls her eyes again and laughs at the joke. She could get used to his new sense of humor.

“Has Ben Solo always been so funny? Because Kylo Ren was definitely not.”

They laugh softly so as not to disturb the other patients while facing each other intensely, not looking away. The blush on Rey's cheeks is adorable. Ben is delighted at how easy it is now to create a relaxed atmosphere with her, even after a little argument. The dynamic between the two is changing rapidly, fortunately. He wants to leave behind the days and nights of torment and conflict , when thinking about her was both excruciating and pleasurable. Even when they met, the feelings inside him became painful, she was an attractive beacon to the Light Side, but his Dark Side always pulled him back, preventing him from being guided out of the darkness. But no more, never again.

They are silent for a few minutes, until Rey finally decides to speak up. She looks at him intently, trying to convey everything she feels.

“Thank you, Ben. Thank you for saving my life. You could have left that arena when you had the chance ... but you stayed ... for me.”

“I will always stay for you, Rey. Always. I would give my life if it was necessary for you to live, without thinking twice.” Ben holds his gaze intensely, all the words in the galaxy would not be enough to express everything he would do for her, if necessary.

Rey's eyes instantly become watery and her smile is as wide as he has never seen it before. Just over a year ago there was almost no hope of anyone saying this to her. As much as she was constantly waiting to be rescued by a family she didn't know, deep down she knew that they wouldn't come, they couldn't. Since she met Finn, or, better said, he found her, she has never been alone again, although a hint of anxiety has always been with her, the result of the trauma of abandonment. But this was in the past, she is more and more sure that she won’t be alone anymore, never again. Ben and her friends are very dedicated in making her feel welcome.

“I would kiss you right now ... if I wasn't temporarily physically limited to a bed.”

Rey smiles through tears as she wipes them away with the back of her hands.

”You fool ... you just need to ask.”

“ Is it that easy?” asks Ben, raising an eyebrow.

“It is.”

She approaches him slowly and touches Ben's lips with hers. It is a slow, sweet kiss, just a gentle movement of mouths caressing. There is no rush to finish, they want to enjoy every second, discover what each one likes when being kissed. Ben bites down on Rey's lower lip and her slight moan of satisfaction indicates that she likes it. Her mouth is soft and inexperienced, not that it is very different for Ben, but it charms him, the discovery.

With a slight movement of his fingers, Ben closes the bed curtains using the Force, allowing more privacy for him and Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That´s it, guys! I hope you liked this chapter, if you does, let me know that! I love to hear what you have to say.  
> The next chapter will probably be published at the end of the week, I still need to translate it and wonderful Jo needs to edit it. Thanks again, girl!  
> If you want to follow me somewhere, I´m on tumblr as No-onexxx (the grumpy cat under the hearts rain hahaha)  
> Thank you again, guys! see you later <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a lot to say to each other. The girl goes through a mild existential crisis and her grumpy boyfriend decides to be a child and not take his medication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, guys! This one is fluffly with a hint of angust in the middle ... and I know you like it!  
> If you enjoy it, let me know!

Chapter 3

Ben doesn't remember feeling anything as soft as Rey's mouth. She kisses him so gently that any movement of him seems rough compared to the lightness of her touch.

She nibbles lightly on his injured lower lip, placing small kisses on his bandage, while her small hand caresses his right cheek.

Ben follows her pace, delighting with each new discovery. Rey relaxes even more in his arms, she gains confidence with every little moan he lets out, he can notice that, so he does everything he can to encourage her to continue.

His hands move to her back, bringing her closer to him, hugging her, and Rey does not hesitate to do so.

There is no rush, no hindrance, it’sjust a long and delicate kiss between two people connected, both by the Force and by the circumstances.

Ben touches Rey's upper lip with his tongue, careful not to be too invasive, and waits for her reaction. She continues to kiss him in the same way, and he understands that he must not insist anymore... or maybe it’s just that the young, inexperienced girl did not understand what he intended... but it doesn´t matter, as long as she is comfortable with it. He will go as slowly as it takes, even if he longs to feel her entirely in his mouth. Everything is so beautiful between them that he doesn't want to screw up it.

So long waiting for her, wanting her... he can wait a little longer. For her, he would wait as long as necessary.

Rey breaks the kiss and looks at him with a smile. She rests her head on his chest and they both look at each other intensely. Ben has a hand in her hair, brushing it carefully with his fingers.

Not admiring those brown eyes is impossible. Rey reciprocates with a shy smile and hides part of her face in his chest to hide her red cheeks. Ben caresses them and enjoys it in silence for a few more moments, smiling at her between sighs.

Rey relaxes with the affection in her hair and blinks heavily. All the action of this day is taking its toll on her body. Still, she resists it and tries to prolong this moment with Ben. His heart is pounding under her ear and the sound relaxes her even more. Ben hides a yawn with one hand and Rey sees it as a cue to let him rest.

“You better get some sleep. The day took a lot out of you, Ben. ”

“Did you think you would be here the last time you woke up? That we would be here?” Asks Ben as if he hadn't heard what she said.

He stares at her intently and all Rey can do is shake her head. The way this day ended... it was almost unreal. When she left the base for her mission, she never imagined the surprises that would follow. Palpatine... her parents... Ben... Being in his arms would have been absurd 48 hours ago. Now... now it seems the most certain thing in the galaxy. But as much as she wants to spend the night with him, the man's tired eyes show that his body needs rest. And he wouldn't get it with such distraction.

“You need to rest, Ben. We will have all the time in the world tomorrow to talk... ”Rey has already pulled free of his embrace and is getting out of bed. Ben carefully takes her by the elbow and pulls her back to his side, preventing her from moving away.

"Tomorrow will not be the day of victory, the day when I came back to you and you came back to me... Rey... if you allow me, your presence here, with me, would make everything even more perfect. I have my whole life to rest."

Rey lets out a sigh full of emotion and caresses Ben's injured cheek.

"And, anyway... tomorrow I will have a great chance of being the center of attention... probably not in a positive way, unlike now."

The young girl creases her forehead in concern. She knows that they should be held accountable to the Resistance, especially Ben. The price for his actions would have to be paid one day, and that is worrisome. The others don't know about what she knows, they didn't see what she saw. The Jedi wanted everyone to see what had been done to Ben, that the man in front of her was yet another victim of Sidious' abuse and cruel manipulation, just like his grandfather was. He suffered that torment in his head since he was a child, not a day went by without being disturbed by those voices. It was unfair to make him take all the blame for what he did...

They had to be prepared for the oncoming storm. It will not be easy, but she will be on his side at all times. Even if everyone's eyes only judge and scourge her... hers will always be loving... loving...

Ben gently squeezes her arm, trying to reassure her. Because of their bond, he can feel and see her emotions like an open book. All he doesn't want at the moment is to think about other people's judgment.

"I forbid you to think about it now... I only care that you know the truth, and no one else."

"Just knowing the truth won't do any good, Ben... I couldn't bear to see you in prison... not after everything I saw."

He smiles slightly and holds her hand, trying to reassure her.

“We´ll find a way, believe me. And my mother will also think of something. I can hear the gears working on General Leia Organa brain from afar ” says Ben in an attempt to ease the tension, drawing a small smile from Rey.

Rey touches her forehead to Ben's, who continues to caress her hands. For an instant, he allows himself to revel in their bond, emanating soothing and positive energies for her, but the tension is still there.

Rey pulls away again and looks back at her feet with concern.Her thoughts are distant, and he can feel that her mind is once again torturing itself. Ben tightens his grip on her fingers with circular and slightly anxious movements, as if to bring her back to him.

For a moment he wonders what else might be bothering her. She seems distant and reluctant, so lost in thought that she doesn't even return his caresses. Ben feels a sudden chill go up his spine and a feeling of insecurity. What if it is him What if she is reluctant... about him?

“Rey... please... your silence is killing me. Please tell me what ails you... ” he couldn't hide all the fear he felt at the answer she could give him.

She finally squeezes his hand tightly and, still without looking at him, she speaks.

"You... don't you feel... disgusted...?"

She interrupts herself, unable to finish her question.

“Disgusted? Because of what, Rey? ”

He looks at her, even more distressed when he sees that her eyes are watery. Rey is on the verge of tears and his hand clinging to hers seems to be the only thing that keeps her from weeping.

“Because of me, Ben. Do you feel disgusted by me? By my blood? By who I am? ”

“Why do you think that, Rey? Of course not! Who in their right mind would repudiate you? ”

“Everyone, Ben! When they discover that… that man... that thing... is my... "

“He's nothing of yours, Rey! He doesn't deserve to be related to you in any way! ”

"But he is... I am..."

“You are Rey. The best thing this damn galaxy has ever had. And if the issue of blood bothers you so much... I'm also not one to talk. Or have you already forgotten that I am the grandson of Darth Vader? ”

“It's different, Ben. Anakin Skywalker redeemed himself, he was manipulated, just as you were... by Sidious... ”

"He may have redeemed himself... but his grandson was stupid enough to make the same mistake, which you didn't do, Rey, which already makes you infinitely superior to me! You are not him! You are nothing like him.”

She opens her mouth again to speak, but Ben stops her by interrupting her.

"Only the greatest ignorant in the galaxy would not see your goodness and see only your blood."

Her expression softens with a shy smile, but the worry hasn't left her face yet.

"You can trust me, Rey. I know you have something else to say..."

"I don't know how to tell them..."

"Your friends?"

"Yes. I don't know how they would react. Finn will probably have an outbreak... but I'm not sure. Luke told me that Leia had known it all this time, and yet she agreed to train me.” the young woman smiles at the thought, her admiration for Leia having only increased after she learned this.

Ben is also surprised- his mother is a singular woman. He is so happy with the general's attitude that he doesn't even care about the mention of Luke's name. That is a subject that shall be dealt with another time... now his focus is on Rey.

“If your friends love you they will accept it, and they will appreciate your kindness even more. And from what I've seen so far, it won't be a problem for them. Especially for Finn. ”

He manages to bring cheer back to her face, lighting up the whole room. Ben can't help but smile, too.

"I think... Ben Solo... that you deserve another kiss for that."

"Yes... I think I deserve it." Says Ben, with the typical malicious expression of the Solo.

A contained laugh escapes Rey as she leans down to kiss him. Ben feels her small, delicate hands stroking his hair. His go instinctively to her cheeks, bringing her closer, setting the pace.

She nibbles on his bottom lip and gives him another kiss before pulling away. Ben mutters in protest, jokingly, so as not to pressure her.

It is already getting dark outside but they can still hear the party, which gives no indication that it will end anytime soon. The laughter and cheers of celebration can be heard even with the acoustic protection of the infirmary.

Ben can even imagine the grandeur of the reception his mother received at the party. Defeating the Empire a second time is quite an achievement. Not to mention all the admiration and competence that the former princess acquired throughout her life, both as a member of royalty and as a fighter Even Hux aknowledged this. He couldn't say that the red-haired general exactly admired her... but his envy was visible, and even though he was completely committed to the First Order at the time, Ben was very pleased with the man's frustration.

He is still clinging to Rey’s hand. Now that he has the freedom to touch it, it’s impossible to let go. He looks up to try to meet her eyes, but only sees the girl lost in thought again.

A twinge of concern hits Ben. She's overthinking too much, and he feels like she still hasn't said everything she needs to take this weight off her heart. So much more is stored inside it, which is to be expected after so many revelations about her past. But now, her expression is lighter -maybe what she’s thinking is not so bad...

"A coin for your thoughts..." says Ben trying to persuade her to open up to him.

Rey smiles slightly when she turns her attention to him.

"I was thinking about my parents... who maybe... probably... certainly... I... I don't know..."

"Just say it, Rey. You can tell me anything."

“They... they were fleeing the Emperor and his agents... left me in Jakku to protect me. If they were running away... it was because they were different from Palpatine, they didn’t agree with his methods... They were good, Ben! At least, that's what I want to believe… ”

Ben rejoices with her enthusiasm, nodding his head. What she said makes sense , but even so, he doesn't want to lift her hopes up , as they may later discover something horrible about them. Everything related to that thing has to be treated with caution.

It is some hope for someone who has never had the love of a family, however, and Ben does not want to ruin this, even though he knows that the chance of this being true is huge. They left her in Jakku to hide her from the Emperor and were killed trying to protect her... no one evil would make such a sacrifice.

“If it's what you wish, Rey, and when you're ready... count on me to find out more about them. In fact, count on me for anything. ”

Rey smiles sincerely at him , and it’s one of the most beautiful smiles he has ever seen, obviously not counting the one she gave him when she came back to life in Exegol. The young woman snuggles to him as much as possible with Ben lying on the small hospital bed, hugs him, placing kisses on his neck, cheek and temples, until she reaches his lips. A short kiss, but full of affection.

“I want you to know something, Rey. Even if... we don't find anything about them, or that what we discover isn't good... I'll always be on your side, no matter what. And their past doesn't matter... it’s you what defines you , and only you. And pity the person who thinks the opposite, because they will have to deal with me personally.”

She hugs him awkwardly and Ben lets out a groan of pain. The painkillers’ effect is wearing off, reminding him of his broken rib. Rey immediately walks away and Ben mentally curses Palpatine for it. If he hadn't been thrown into that crack he would have been entangled with her... at least that's what he fantasizes about. He has never wanted a bacta tank in his life as much as he does now. He wants to get out of that bed and celebrate their victory with his girl, at the party or otherwise... that just depends on her.

"I better call a med droid!" Rey gets up quickly.

“No no no no, Rey! I can handle it for a little more! Please, don´t go!" he pulls her back onto the bed, throwing her off balance and making her fall back into his arms. And once again Ben lets out a painful groan. Damn rib...

At this point, the unit's curtains open to reveal Leia Organa, holding a tray of food, probably meant for the two of them. The General looks at them in surprise and lets out a small, amused laugh at the couple's astonished expression. Ben feels his cheeks burn- Rey's are not that different.

"Am I disturbing anything?" questions Leia with a little smile. There’s no need to be a genius to see the couple's discomfort.

"No! Of course not!" says Rey, straightening up and sitting appropriately in the visitors' chair, trying her best to hide her embarrassment.

Ben's expression doesn't say the same thing and Leia looks at her son playfully as she places the meal on the counter.

"I can leave, if you want..." says Rey

“Not at all, Rey! You are always very welcome. I just came to check if everything is fine, and it looks like it is! ”

Once again Rey blushes and Ben can only think that it’s the most beautiful thing.

“If I'm not mistaken, I heard a groan of pain from you, Ben. Better call Dr. Zara to give you more painkillers. ”

“Please, mom, don't! I don't need to be sedated with drugs to make it through the night. ”

This might even be true. It would not be the first time he has been through a night of pain, his training days with Snoke prepared him well for nights of discomfort, and at the time he did not have the luxury of being able to take something for relief.

Ben knows that one more dose will put him to sleep and he is not willing to waste another second with Rey. Furthermore, he is fully aware that he is in relatively hostile territory for him. He cannot trust all members of the Resistance, just a bolder individual who is willing to deal with an injured Kylo Ren, and he already had someone in mind...

“You are going to get the medication, Ben Solo. I don't want to hear about you suffering from your stubbornness tonight and much less worrying Rey- after all, she too deserves rest.”

His mother, as always, is a master in the art of convincing- years of politics have not been in vain. Ben finally realizes that it wouldn't be fair to Rey to keep her stuck here all night. He is so ecstatic with her presence and with all that they have been through today that he has forgotten that she is exhausted too. If this day has demanded so much of him, for her the effort had been much greater.

The feeling of guilt takes over him. Ben looks at Rey again, noticing her tired expression, which she tries to hide. And as if confirming her thinking, she turns her face away and lets out a long yawn.

"See?" says his mother with a raised eyebrow. "But before that, eat something, I don't want you to sleep on empty stomachs." she points to the tray, already taking a piece of stuffed bread and handing it to her son.

"Okay..." replies Ben resignedly, as he bites on his bread.

Rey also receives a piece, along with a significant look from Leia to feed herself. While the two eat, the General goes looking for Dr. Zara or some med droid who can give Ben some more medication.

As soon as they finish eating, Leia returns with a human nurse, who approaches Ben with the syringe and needles ready and applies a clear liquid directly to his arm.

"There is still so much I want to talk to you two about..." says Ben to his mother and his love, already feeling sleepy.

"Tomorrow, Ben, tomorrow we´ll have all the time in the world." says Rey as she strokes his hair, preparing him for sleep.

"I hope it is true...”

He falls asleep with Rey's face in his mind and in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That´s the chapter, guys! A little bit shorter then the previous one but still cute AF! Thanks again to Jo for helping me edit it, and for her infinite patience with me <3  
> Tell what you´re thinking about the story!  
> See you next week! ;)  
> You can find me on tumblr as No-onexxx (the grumpy cat with the hearts rain hahaha)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is unable to keep his inappropriate jokes to himself. Ben finally has his bacta and Rey meets a dear friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And let's go to another chapter! I kanow it´s a "baby chapter", but it was so funny to write and I hope you like it!  
> Sorry for taking so long to update, my job is demanding a lot from me, but what matters is that the chapter is here!  
> Enjoy

Chapter 4

As soon as Ben closes his eyes, Rey feels Leia touch her right shoulder affectionately, an feeling of pure joy that emanates from the general. Neither of them exchanged many words after Exegol, but isn't necessary to show her happiness and gratitude.

"I still don't know how to thank you, Rey..."

"There's nothing to be thankful for, Ben came back to the Light Side alone..."

"We both know it wasn't quite like that" she interrupts her. "You were the most important reason, Rey. I don't know exactly what happened in that place, but he certainly went there because of you."

Rey feels her face burn slightly and tries to hide it without success, which does not go unnoticed by Leia.

“He saved me, Master. Ben abandoned everything related to the First Order and went to that horrible place to save me, he knew what Palpatine wanted from me... he left even his uniform and lightsaber behind... ”

"... and went to face the Sith with a blaster and a sweater."

The two women laugh in tune.

"That’s my boy, stupid, inconsequential and in love."

She shakes Rey's hand as the young Jedi tries once again to hide her red cheeks. Leia thinks how adorably shy she is in some situations and how fearless she is in others.

"Now... tell me what happened."

+++

General Organa listens carefully to Rey's report of what happened on Exegol, being surprised by what she told her. Speaking in a lower and more discreet tone, the girl did not hide anything from her, not even the details that Ben preferred not to share. She knows she can trust her with any secret, especially one related to Ben. Her Master focuses on the story, and tries to search her mind, and her knowledge of the Force, for some answer to this power described by her apprentice.

Leia watches her sleeping son, she hasn't seen him so peaceful in years. She remembered when he was small and she found him wrapped in dreams in his childhood room. She was almost never there to cover him with his sheets and kiss him good night... but she always walked in to check on his sleep and caress his messy black hair after another tiring meeting.

Her little boy is a hero... despite the opinion of most people, but this is a matter she will deal with the next day. After all, it is already late and the day's effort is already taking its toll on her not so young body. She is tired, but very happy.

“I will reflect on the matter and if I find an explanation, we will talk again. But now it's time for us to rest, Rey, it's been a long day, with a lot of losses and a lot of wins, too... every hero needs a rest, and yes, I'm talking about you. Because this hero... ”she gestures to a unconscious Ben Solo. “... he is already dreaming of his heroine... Tomorrow we continue this conversation. Now, for the Force, eat something and go to bed, please. ”

Leia shakes Rey´s hands, and she shyly agrees.

"Just one more thing..." the general takes Ben's hand with his other. “…I like that, Rey, I like that a lot, whatever it is.”

Rey smiles again, happy to have her Master's approval, even though her feelings for Ben have not yet been expressed in words, she figures they are obvious to anyone who sees her.

Leia says goodbye to her with a kiss on the forehead and heads towards the exit of the infirmary.

Rey snuggles up in an empty bed next to Ben and falls asleep faster than she ever has.

+++

The morning sun's rays enter through the skylight, illuminating the room. Rey opens her eyes when the light shines over her face, and she rubs her eyelids while letting out a lazy yawn. As soon as she can focus her eyesight, she takes a good look around her.

The room is quiet. Many patients are still sleeping, others are already awake and receiving care. But, overall, there is little movement. She lifts her head and looks at the sky through the glass tear in the roof. Judging by the height of the sun, it's probably already mid-morning, or, at least, not as early as Rey usually wakes up. She never had slept that much in the past. It has been almost a year since she last woke up before the first light to train. There is no need for an electronic alarm clock, her body is used to it. But tonight it was her body that demanded a greater rest.

After stretching, her back hurting as the result of the uncomfortable mattress, she turns to her side looking for Ben, finding only his empty bed and no sign of him, besides the remainings of the meal and the crumpled sheets.

It’s impossible that she was so tired that she did not realize that a man of that size was taken from her side. Immediately, Rey closes her eyes and concentrates on finding his signature in the Force. It doesn't take much effort, and she quickly feels that he is a few rooms away and that he is not alone. She gets up and carefully heads out of the ward. A few meters ahead, she finds Finn in the corridor coming in the opposite direction. The boy seems in a hurry, so he’s probably going to see her.

“Rey! I didn't see you last night! Where were you?" says Finn as he hugs his friend

"I..."

She still doesn't know how to bring up the subject of her and Ben's relationship, whatever there is between them, to Finn. The former stormtrooper may be sensitive about this, Kylo Ren's orders have caused serious traumas to him.

"I was in the infirmary!"

"That’s obvious, since you just left it." Finn pauses a little and his face softens. "You were with Ben... weren't you?"

Despite the slight tone of debauchery, there is no judgment in his eyes, only understanding, which takes some of the tension out of her.

"Rey... I know... I felt it. In fact, we need to talk about it! ”

"I need to see him now, Finn, we’ll talk another time."

She is about to move on, but Finn blocks her way.

"You'd better wait a little bit..."

"Why?" Rey interrupts. “Is he not well? What happened?"

As silly as it sounds in front of Finn, she can't hide her worry and sudden fanfare. It makes her friend playfully raise an eyebrow. Of course, she wouldn't go through this without receiving a small provocation... and this is just the beginning.

“Well... let's say he is not dressed properly to receive... er... you or anyone else whose opinion affects his dignity... "

"Get to the point, Finn!"

"He’s in diapers..." Finn says as he tries to keep from laughing

"What?"

"And dipped in blue liquid. Just the bacta spray wouldn't be enough to heal his wounds, General Organa had a hard time trying to convince him to put the diapers on" now the man is not even trying to hold his laugh. Rey rolls her eyes, she thought it would have been something much more important than Ben Solo on diapers... but on second thought it would be something interesting to see.

“Sorry, Rey. I was there, too, and I was heartily expelled. The sight of Kylo Ren with diapers was disconcerting... ”

"Ben Solo!" she corrects him immediately.

“Alright! Sorry again! Ben Solo! ” Finn raises his hands in surrender.

Rey smiles briefly at her friend, who reciprocates, and heads towards Ben's Force signature.

+++

The intensive care room is the cleanest and most sterile room on the whole base. Its white walls are filled with monitors and control panels, these also connected to devices of complicated design, some Rey don't even know what they are for. The infrastructure the Resistance has would cause envy in any hospital, all thanks to the sponsors and allies who, with much effort of Leia, joined the cause.

The three giant, transparent tanks filled with bacta stand out in the middle of the enclosure. The new facilities are aimed at patients with deeper injuries, such as Ben's broken leg and ribs. There are still many boxes that have not been unpacked, presumably full of medical supplies, which indicates that all that material has just arrived.

Leia is standing in front of one of these structures, talking to a woman that Rey recognizes as Dr. Zara. She is in uniform, wearing a white coat and a data pad in her hands. Both seem to be focused on the contents of one of the tanks while exchanging a few words.

Rey approaches carefully, not wanting to disturb their meeting. When she gets closer, she realizes that it is Ben in the big blue liquid container. He has a vent attached to his face, which makes him completely unrecognizable from afar, and is clearly sedated. And is wearing the ‘diapers’ that Finn mentioned.

General Organa notices Rey's presence and turns to her with a warm smile.

"Good morning, Rey. Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning, Master." Rey returns the greeting in a formal way, as they are accompanied by other people. "Yes, I did sleep well..."

"I hope the mattress didn't do any damage to your back as much as it did to this one..." Leia nods, referring to Ben. “He just didn't complain anymore because he didn't want to wake you up. His mood did not improve after he knew what he would have to wear. It is to avoid embarrassing accidents, a necessary evil. ” She says playfully, and not even Dr. Zara holds back a small laugh at her superior's joke.

"He doesn't seem like a morning person." Rey also comments with a smile.

Leia looks at the bacta tank again.

"Never was. Why start now? At least he is already sedated and undergoing treatment. We'll see how he isin a few hours. I need his temper to be under control... especially today. ” She says the last sentence in a thoughtful tone.

Rey agrees, and before she can focus on Ben again, she notices a figure standing at the entrance to the room. Poe Dameron is watching them, hoping that someone will notice him. He no longer uses his sling on his left arm- he probably also took advantage of the new bacta stock. His features are so serious that he seems to be hiding some discontent, he doesn't even seem to have attended a party last night. But after meeting him the day before, she wouldn't be surprised if he is still irritated by Ben's presence at the base.

Leia gestures for the commander to approach.

"General Organa, Dr. Zara, Rey." Poe greets them cordially, but with a greater formality than necessary. "Sorry to interrupt you, General, but the council requests a meeting."

"Of course..." Leia comments, exasperated. “I can even imagine what it is about. See you later, Rey. If you'll excuse me.”

"Sure, master..."

Leia quickly leaves the medical wing, escorted by Poe.

Rey watches a sleeping Ben, while asking the Force that the bacta would be enough to heal his physical wounds, and after that, that they have the strength to face this day.

+++

The staff circulates around the treatment room. The movement is relatively small. Some new patients come and go all the time. Those with simpler injuries receive the necessary medication and treatment and are already released to return to their normal functions at the base. Others in a more complicated state are sent to the bacta tanks.

During the hour Rey has spent waiting in the room, two more wounded fighters have joined Ben. A pilot who arrived unconscious, probably with a head injury, and another who had a bandaged leg and arm, and who grunted in pain until he received the sedative.

Apart from these small events, everything is monotonous. No one has come after her yet, and even Leia hasn’t come back to see her son.

Rey lets out a tired sigh. She knows that staring at the bacta won't make Ben's treatment finish any faster and that her vigil won't solve the problem of her empty stomach.

Her belly growls loudly and she feels thankful for not having anyone around. It is a signal from her body telling her to give up waiting and be distracted by some of the little breakfast cakes -something that Rose called muffins.

Resigned, she gets up to leave, and as if by coincidence, Rose herself invades the treatment room, offering a cheerful smile to her friend.

"Finally! You’re harder to find than common sense in Poe’s head! ” she says, already approaching the Jedi and embracing her.

"Er... I... was busy..."

"I know what you were busy doing" Rose gestures towards Ben with a mischievous laugh.

"How do you know?"

“Rey, come on, you are not exactly hiding. And Finn isn't the most discreet person. ”

She blushes slightly and returns her friend's smile. There is no reason to hide anything from her. Since they met, Rose has become her most loyal confidante. As much as her connection with Finn is great, having a trusted friend of the same sex is different, making her as important as him.

Rose can understand several aspects of her life that boys cannot. Her friendship is one of the greatest gifts that the Force gave her.

“But we'll deal with this matter right away, now my mission is to get you out of here and give you something to eat. From what I've heard, you haven't had a decent meal in a while” Rose grabs her hand and starts to drag her towards the exit.

Rey looks at Ben once again, closing her eyes to find him in the Force, emanating a positive and welcoming energy for him. A twinge of concern hits her.

Leaving him alone and unconscious means putting him in danger. She saw in Poe's eyes what the Resistance might feel like about him. The young Jedi suddenly stops. Rose looks at her in recognition, and hurries to reassure her.

"Don't worry, Rey. No one would be crazy enough to do anything against him, not while risking having to deal with General Organa's wrath" Rose says in a comforting tone.

Rey looks at her in surprise. Does she know he is Leia's son?

“General Organa treated the arrival of bacta tanks as a priority, it seems like he is very valuable. Not just for her... for the whole Resistance as well. ”

"What do you mean, Rose?”

“People talk, Rey. There are rumors about what happened in Exegol. They're spreading the story that he saved you! Kylo Ren saving the heroine of the Resistance... this is something great, Rey!” Rose is visibly excited. “Now tell me... is it true? Did he save you?” the young woman asks in a lower, more discreet, almost confidential tone.

Rey looks around, making sure no one else is around, and turns to Rose with a smile.

“Yes, Rose. He left the First Order behind and went after me on that arena.”

Rose lets out a little cry of excitement, but soon shuts up because they are still on the medical wing.

“Let's go to the cafeteria right now! And then you’ll tell me everything, Rey! Don't you dare hide anything! ”

And again, the young Jedi is dragged outside by her short friend. On the way to the cafeteria, Rey is already trying to psychologically prepare herself for the interrogation. Rose would not be satisfied until she got all the truth out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! If you like it let me know!   
> I have a minor surgery on Monday, nothing serious, but I will need to rest. I hope to be able to write more during this time!  
> Thanks again to Jo for being such a wonderful beta <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Rey have a very interesting conversation. The Jedi discovers a new weakness. And Ben faces what is just the beginning of his journey in the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I´m back. Sorry to take so long to update, I am still recovering from my surgery and the first days were a little painful. But I´m fine now! Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 5

The two girls go to a table further away from the others, in a discreet corner of the cafeteria, which only makes Rose's interest in knowing about delicate matters more evident. Not that Rey intends to lie to her friend, she is willing to share her current feelings and thoughts with her, but she still doesn't know how to describe it or how to make her understand what is going on.

Rey notices some curious looks, but no one dares to approach and greet them. Some people try to disguise it, talking to their companions again, others stare at them more intensely, until they realize they have been noticed and finally look away.

They sit on the metal seats and Rey can feel even more that they are being watched. The interest of the Resistance's present members is practically palpable in the Force. As if it crushed her in the back.

The buzz in the room is becoming deafening, the hum of voices bother Rey as when she feels a disturbance in the Force. The noise, which apparently only displeased her, steals her attention, making her momentarily forget about her friend's presence at the table.

"Rey?... Rey!"

Rose catches the attention of the Jedi, who,startled, looks at her with a slightly astonished expression, which generates a questioning look in the young woman.

“Are you okay, Rey? You seemed distracted. ”

"Yes, yes! I'm fine, just... looking around. ”

Only when she places her tray on the table does she realize that she’s holding it tighter than necessary and that her hands are visibly sweaty. She disguises it, drying them quickly with a napkin and turning her attention to Rose.

"Well... since everything is fine, you can start spilling the beans!"

Rey rolls her eyes in amusement and smiles slightly at her.

"What do you want to know, Rose?"

"Everything! Everything that’s important, at least! ”

Rey laughs at her enthusiasm.

“What did you think? That you could get to Ajan Kloss with Kylo Ren, spend the night in the infirmary with him, and I wouldn't be dying to know what the hell is going on? Now that's a plot twist, Rey! I don't know how to pretend that everything is the same as usual.”

The young woman feels her cheeks burn, making it clear to her friend that there is something else in this story. She lets out a breath, and smiles slightly.

“His name is Ben. That's how he wants to be called now.” Rey says almost to herself. Ben's redemption would have been unimaginable a very short time ago, something that she has always longed for, since that day in Supremacy.

Rey's dreamy look makes Rose smile. She knows that her friend is happy, not only because the war is over, but also because of the tall, massive man with black hair who is now floating on the bacta.

"So... tell me more about you... and this Ben." She says, raising her eyebrows suggestively, making the young Jedi's cheeks turn even redder.

Rose is definitely a hopeless romantic... For a second, she imagines how it is between her and Finn. Though she hasn’t seen them act so close lately, but that’s a subject for another moment...

This time Rey knows she won’t escape Rose's interrogation, but she knows that deep down, all she wants is to share what she is feeling with her friend.

+++

Rose's jaw has dropped so much that it seems to be no longer attached to the skull. She listens to Rey's story with her eyes shining with attention, letting out sighs and other expressions of amazement and excitement. The conversation is meeting the needs of her romantic side, and the young woman does not hide her ecstasy.

Romance, action, adventure and a happy ending? That’s too perfect for Rose to hold on to her enthusiasm.

Rey gradually becomes more comfortable sharing what happened with Rose. Although, not to break the agreement that she and Ben made, she leaves aside the fact that she had temporarily died and had been brought back to life by him. Nor does she mention the most disturbing fact...

She quietly shakes her head, trying to chase away this thought, and focuses on the conversation.

“Rey! This... by the Force! I should write a book... none that I have read to this date can compare. ”

"Er... I think you ought to read more books, Rose..."

"Really! Even though... well... are you sure he... is recovered? Don't get me wrong, but... he spent a lot of time on the Dark Side... ”says Rose with a more serious and concerned expression. "Even with all this exciting story... I still care about you, Rey. I don't want him to hurt you."

“Don't worry, Rose. He came back, he came back for good. Of course, it won't be easy at first, he is entering an adaptation period and will need help... and I’ll be by his side.” Rey sighs as she speaks the last sentence.

The dreamy look returns to Rose's face and they both smile.

"I just want you to be careful, Rey. You are very important to us, to me." Rose’s voice has a twinge of concern to iti. "Promise me that if something happens... if he does something to you... you’ll tell me?"

Rey smiles at Rose's concern for her. No one had ever cared about her until she joined the Resistance and met her friends. She values all this attention, even though it is unnecessary in this case.

“I promise, Rose. Again, don't worry. I trust Ben and soon you will too. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. ”

Rose nods her head in acceptance and the two continue to eat their meal.

After a few minutes, Rey realizes that her friend is very silent, a vague and thoughtful look on her face. The Jedi kicks Rose's foot playfully under the table, drawing her attention.

"You´re too quiet for your own good, Rose."

“I'm just thinking… how disturbing these days have been. Palpatine was a bad guy that we all thought had been destroyed so long ago... and out of nowhere he returns to cause so much terror... ”

Rey stops eating and can't face Rose. Her hands are shaking and wet with sweat, she tries to hide them between her legs. Still without an answer, the young woman continues.

"... It is as if... no threat could really be defeated, as if something was always left behind, and that sooner or later it will return to try and destroy us."

She can already feel her breathing quicken. She can’t talk about it, not now... not with Rose.

"... as if there is no hope..."

“Excuse me, Rose I… I have to work some things out! We talk later.” Rey says as she hurries up from the table, leaving her tray full of food behind.

"Wait! You haven't finished eating! ”

“I'll eat later! I forgot I had to do this! ”

"Rey!"

And without giving Rose a chance to follow, Rey hurries out of the cafeteria, her heart pounding in her throat and her breathing uneven.

+++

She knows that panic is taking over when her vision starts to darken, and the faces of the people passing her become blurry. Some members of the Resistance greet her and thank her. She returns the smiles automatically, without really paying any attention.

Her heart beats like she has been racing, even though she is trying hard not to look rushed. She pulls air strongly into her lungs, but they do not seem to fill with oxygen and her vision becomes increasingly blurred.

The mention of that abominable creature has brought back all of Exegol's terror. The disturbing visions that Palpatine put in her head when trying to convince her to join the Sith are coming back as in an accelerated video. She shakes her head trying to chase them away, in vain.

Rey frantically searches for a place to hide and calm down. An empty room, an unused warehouse... anywhere.

As a gift from the Force, she finds an empty, poorly lit corridor. There is no way out, and no one would come looking for her in the rubble that is stored there. As discreetly as possible, Rey sneaks to the back of it and huddles amid the stacked boxes.

She closes her eyes and concentrates while propping herself against the wall so she doesn't pass out.

“Be with me... be with me... be with me…”

She repeats the words insistently in the hope of finding some comfort in the Force. She is in a position of meditation, but her mind is so troubled that it is useless.

Her focus is on breathing, she’s hyperventilating and she feels as if she’s about to pass out, even with the enormous amount of air entering and leaving her body, but that doesn’t seem to reach the brain.

Rey does not interrupt her mantra and when it seems that her mind is clearer, she hears Palpatine's voice with unbelievable clarity. As if he is whispering in her ear and she can almost feel his cold breath on her neck.

“-… your undoing!”

The tears finally break free, running down her cheeks. She cringes, hiding her face between her knees and giving in to despair.

Rey weeps as she did when was a desolate child in Jakku, who had to go through the dark and wild nights of the desert... alone.

That´s how she feels now... alone, in a dark corridor, where no one would find her. Or they wouldn't mind looking for her... After all, who would have thought that a Jedi would be in such a fragile and deplorable state?

Between her sobs, she asks for help. To the Force, and to anyone who can hear...

"Rey..."

Ben's voice is as clear as Palpatine's, the difference being that it brings her instant comfort. She quickly looks up and finds him facing her in the hall. A wave of relief comes over her and Rey smiles slightly between tears, without disguising her fragility.

Ben is startled by her situation. The bond is allowing them to see each other, but he can't get a sense of where she is. The environment is dark around her, and seeing her huddled on the floor and crying awakens his protective instinct. He needs to know what's going on, Rey needs him now!

“What happened, Rey? Where are you?"

He approaches her, crouching on the floor. Almost touching her. His hair is still wet with bacta, he wears only pants and boots, his chest is still bare- he probably had just left his treatment in the tank.

This is the second time she has seen him like this. If it hadn’t been for the anxiety crisis, she would find the sight of a half-undressed Beninteresting... but her current state does not allow her to enjoy it. She needs him in another way now.

Ben reaches out to get even closer, but Rey is so stunned that she can't react.

“Rey! Come to me, Rey. Let me help you... ” says Ben, gently trying to make his voice as comforting as possible, and hiding his concern so as not to make her more nervous.

Ben looks back as if someone has called him on the other side of the bond, and as soon as he faces Rey again, he disappears and the connection breaks as quickly as it came.

Once again, Rey tries to calm down. Ben is there, somewhere at the base, not far from her. She clings to that thought, where she finds the strength to get up and head towards the medbay. She needs him, he will understand, only he will understand...

+++

The path to the medbay passes like a blur. Rey focuses only on following his signature, and nothing more. With every step she takes, she gets closer to the comforting energy of Ben's dyad... to the man who, not long ago, she never would have imagined would be a safe place, whom she would turn to when she is in such a fragile state as this.

She would never have allowed Kylo Ren to see her like this, ever. But Ben will welcome her, she knows that, the look on his face when he saw her at the peak of her crisis left no doubt.

Rey finally breaks into the treatment room and immediately finds Ben on one of the stretchers. As soon as he feels that she has walked in, he moves the med droid away from him and hurries towards her. Now with his leg completely healed, the man stands with all his grandeur and agility.

Both quickly shorten the distance between them and Ben wraps his arms protectively around her. Rey's face is nestled against his chest. He can feel her breathing still worryingly rushed and a good part of her weight is supported by him. Her body trembles, the crisis is not over yet, but the strong arms around her convey incomparable comfort.

"Calm down, Rey... it's okay... breathe slowly, I don't want you to pass out." Ben's voice is low and calm, a tone lower than usual.

The strong hands make comforting circles on her back. His shirt is already wet with tears and he feels Rey's body weaken. Ben holds her, preventing her from falling. The strong, almost unshakable girl he knows so well looks like a frightened child looking for shelter. He hardly recognizes her, which scares him. He hugs her even tighter, as if trying to put her broken pieces together, and cradles her lovingly.

"You are having an anxiety attack, it will pass, focus... it's okay, I'm here..." Ben says these words near her ear, in the most comforting tone he can manage. He hasn't comforted anyone in a long time. A wrong word would be a disaster.

'He's here, he understands'... Rey repeats to herself as she tries to control her breathing. Suddenly, she feels an object touching the back of her knees as she’s guided to sit down. Ben crouches in front of her, so that he can meet her eyes and help her focus. His hands cup her face, making her look into his deep brown eyes. She needed to focus, her head is still racing.

"Breathe slowly, focus on your heartbeat, remember your training, Rey... you can do it"

Rey concentrates looking for help in the Force, Ben exudes a calming energy, unlike anything she later felt from him. And to think that once there was only hurt and pain... But now he lets himself be flooded by that sea of comfort. And as intensely as it came, the crisis is going away.

Soon her breathing goes back to normal and she feels her heart gradually slow down. She notices how strongly she is holding Ben's hands, but he doesn't seem to care and even returns the squeeze. Her vision is no longer blurred and her limbs are no longer shaking. The crisis is passing, and a wave of relief flows through her.

"You aren't supposed to be awake." She says to Ben, still panting, but with a slight smile, in a poor attempt to shift her focus to something less tense.

"Sedatives never worked well on me, and I didn't want to be inside that cylinder any longer than necessary."

"You looked really comfortable in there."

Ben blushes slightly and tries to disguise, to no avail. He caresses Rey's cheeks lovingly, while staring at those beautiful hazel eyes in search of answers for what just happened.

“What happened, Rey? Who got you like this?” Ben asks protectively, preventing her from escaping the subject further.

She shakes her head, she doesn't need is Ben thinking someone has hurt her. She doesn't want to risk creating conflict within him and awakening his aggressive side.

“Nobody, Ben. It's just... it's a lot, it's a lot for me... ”

Ben touches her cheeks lovingly, wiping away the last tears that have fallen.

"What, Rey?" His voice is apprehensive and his eyes show insecurity forming inside him, which Rey isn´t used to.

"Palpatine..." she says in an almost inaudible tone, as if she is sharing a secret.

"I forbid you to think of this monster!"

"Exactly! This monster... ”

"No! No! I'm sorry, Rey... I... damn! ”

'I had to go and do something wrong'... Ben kicks himself mentally, he should control himself and not make her feel worse. His flaming temper must change.

Realizing the conflict in Ben, Rey reaches out to reassure him. She knows it wasn't his intention to make such a comment to hurt her. But before she can say anything, they are interrupted by Leia Organa and company.

The General's retinue is composed of Poe, and his usual discontent face that he has insisted on using since returning from Exegol, and by a man that Rey recognized as Wedge Antilles, veteran pilot of the Rebellion.

"Great! I found you two together. Sorry to interrupt, but the Resistance leadership is meeting and they are requesting your presence.” Leia's tone is austere, making it clear that, at this moment, it is the General who is speaking. Rey's condition does not go unnoticed by her, and she gives the Jedi a discreet, worried look.

Ben silently agrees and helps her get up to follow his mother. He knows Leia Organa well enough to deduce that her entire stance is just a mask for the Resistance council. The connection in the Force that they have allows him to feel all the anxiety she is feeling, contained by her years of diplomatic training. It will be decisive for him, that is for sure. As they walk down the corridors of the base, he squeezes Rey's hand protectively, still intending to calm her... or himself.

It is not difficult to deduce what the subject of such a meeting will be- after all, it is not every day that the former Supreme Leader of the recently destroyed First Order wanders freely through the Resistance. His judgment begins now... but he will not be alone, not while Rey is at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I had to split this chapter in two because it became so long. I´m managing to finish the next one soon. A special thank you to my beta Jo! The quarantine is demanding a lot from my mental health and writing with you and her support is helping me a lot.   
> Stay at home! Be safe!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's fate is in the hands of the Resistance, but Leia has a plan.  
> Rey tries to understand what is going on in her head and the couple has a private meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Sorry for the delay! I had a crazy week, but I managed to prepare some chapters for you! They still need to be edited so I'm going to update them gradually!  
> Enjoy

Chapter 6

The improvised meeting room is small, with a capacity for no more than 15 people. It has no windows and has only one entrance and exit. It could be confused with any other room, but it was clearly chosen on purpose. This is a more reserved meeting, without attracting the attention of the other members of the resistance, only the most important ones are present.

In the center there is a round table with a holoprojector, and just a few more chairs, simple and functional, nothing more than what’s necessary. Ben cannot help thinking how different it is from the First Order, whose leaders would not miss the chance to show all their power in such imposing and intimidating environments. The Resistance is different, very different.

Lando Calrissian, Chewbacca and Comandante D’Acy are already waiting for them when the group arrives.

Leia gives Lando a meaningful look, and he nods discreetly in silent agreement, keeping an apparent calm. Chewbacca, on the other hand, is more agitated, his tall, furry figure shaking, anxiously waiting for the meeting to begin. At least Ben will have two more familiar faces who might be able to defend him, or at least that's what he expects.

Not that he deserves any defense, his actions are unjustified. He just wants to be given a chance, only one, to prove he's changed, that he can help them... but how?

Commander D´Acy is a woman a few years younger than the general, with a serious but soft look. Ben had never seen her before, she had probably become allies with his mother after he turned to Snoke's side. He took part in enough political and military meetings in his youth to remember at least the faces of those who were part of Leia's social circle, but this woman brings back no memory.

He squeezes Rey's hand, to remind him that she is still there. She returns it, giving him a feeling of calmness and relief, quite different from the state she was in a few minutes ago, a state that they did not have enough time to talk about.

As much as his fate is about to be sealed, Ben can only think of Rey. He has never seen her so fragile before, and the reason for this meeting seems so small compared to his eagerness to know what happened to her...

General Organa steps forward and straightens up to begin his speech.

“Thank you, everyone, for coming. I called you here to discuss the role of the Resistance from now on. With the help of our allies, we succeeded in Exegol, but our mission does not end here. Just as the Battle of Endor was only the beginning of the reorganization of the Republic, so it is now. It took us almost 10 years to establish stability in the galaxy. The Empire's followers were not all destroyed that day, and much like the Imperials, the First Order left seeds everywhere. Our mission now is to locate and eliminate any remaining threats. ”

The room remains silent as Leia introduces the subject of the meeting. All eyes and ears are attentive to the General's words.

"And to achieve our goals, we need the right people." She gives everyone a suggestive look. "Ben has proven his separation from the First Order by actively contributing to our victory in Exegol, Rey is here to confirm it." Leia addresses Rey, giving her the word. The Jedi is a little surprised, but quickly agrees with the General.

"It’s true. Ben left everything behind to help me in that arena.” She squeezes Ben's hand discreetly under the table and he returns the contact in acknowledgment. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him..."

“That´s bullshit!” Poe's angry, contemptuous voice makes the commander's discontent clear. The man has been strangely silent, but now he's a rage pit. Leia gives him a sharp look at the impolite interruption, followed by a howl of rebuke from Chewbacca.

“This is not how a lady is treated, Dameron. You don't interrupt a girl when she's talking. ” scolds Lando.

"How can you trust this man knowing everything he has done?" Poe says, ignoring Lando completely. “How do we know that he’ss not still a supporter of the First Order, as many others the General has quoted? He was not just a soldier, he was their Supreme Leader!”

Ben lets out a breath and tries not to exalt himself, as Rey squeezes her hand in his. He can't lose control, not now.

“Look at yourself, Commander. You were the greatest spice dealer in your guild, and yet I trusted you and gave you a second chance when I saw your potential. ” argues Leia. “Ben has a lot of potential to help the Resistance and if it depends on me he will have a second chance. If we deepen into the past of everyone here, we won’t end this meeting today! ”

“With all due respect, General. I believe that no one here has committed as many cruel and cowardly murders as he has. Including a massacre at Luke Skywalker's Jedi temple! Your own brother, General!...”

"You don't know the whole story, Dameron!" Ben can't hold his tongue at the mention of what happened at the temple. These people know nothing about this story... not even Rey. He feels her small hands touch his shoulders, only then does he realize that he stood up in exaltation.

“Calm down, both of you! This is not the time for accusations, Commander Dameron. And your story will be shared at the right time, Ben.” General Organa says, putting order in the discussion.

Ben refrains from venting his anger on the commander- he can't give these people any more reason not to trust him and be more sure of how dangerous he is. Besides, he doesn't want to disappoint Rey and his mother.

He exhales exasperatedly and sits down again, clinging even more firmly to Rey's hand, which now makes soft movements on his back with a soothing energy, which even manages to slow his heartbeat. Ben chose to focus on her touch, thanking her with a caress on her fingers. It will be better if he keeps silent- his destiny depends on his self-control.

“Back to the real issue of this meeting. And I hope that there will be no more unnecessary interruptions...” says Leia, looking at Poe out of the corner of her eye. “From now on, Ben will be seen as a member of the Resistance and our ally. He proved his disengagement from the First Order at the Battle of Exegol. If it weren't for him, we would still be here discussing how to deal with Darth Sidious, and that only if the Resistance wasn't sunk in space. Which was what was going on before he and Rey faced the ‘emperor’..."

The previous buzz stopps immediately with the General's words and, respectfully, Commander D’Acy asks to speak.

"And what would his contribution be from now on?"

"Information..." she replies while facing her son.

Everyone looks at each other for a moment.

“Who would be a better source of information than the man who had the highest rank within the First Order? You are wrong if you think that every member and supporter of them was destroyed in Exegol. A final battle is not necessarily the last fight. As I mentioned earlier, it took 10 years after Endor for the Imperial forces to be completely dismantled and yet Sidious showed up a few days ago...”

Ben knows that his mother has to take the issue to the political and strategic side to convince them of his redemption, and that he would be much more useful as an ally and not a prisoner. But his mother's ever-diplomatic demeanor reminds him of his childhood, and how often Leia placed political interests above emotional ones. And she is doing it now. He just hopes that this strategy will have good results at least.

Wedge Antilles, who until then has remained respectfully silent, asks for permission to speak.

“I agree with your point, General. The knowledge that... Ben has, will be of great contribution to the Resistance. But sooner or later the Galactic Senate will become aware of this and... they will want to discuss it. I am not a politician, but it is not difficult to assume something like that...”

“You are right, Wedge. But I’ll deal with the Senate when the time comes... For now, does everyone agree with Ben's participation in the organization?”

“I am with you, General. And I believe that we all are too. ” says Lando with his characteristic smile directed at Ben and Rey, followed by a suggestive wink. The Jedi smiles shyly.

All the other participants express their agreement, and Poe limits himself to a grudging nod.

As soon as the meeting is declared over, Ben lets out a sigh of relief that he didn't even know he was holding. Getting the Resistance's approval is already halfway to the peaceful life he wants so much, especially with Rey.

He turns to her and finds her smiling directly at him, and he smiles back. It doesn't matter what the Resistance thinks about him, just what Rey thinks, and nothing else. As long as she is beside him, the universe could explode and he wouldn't even notice. They hold hands and leave the room with their fingers laced tightly, for everyone to see.

+++

Ben looks for a private place to talk to Rey. Now that matters related to him have been dealt with properly, it’s time to focus on her. He wants to understand everything that had happened before the meeting and to continue the conversation they were having at the medbay before being summoned by Leia. What could be so serious that even the Force asked for his help?

He can feel that Rey is already calmer, that the frantic storm of feeling has passed, but the anxiety crisis that she suffered still worries him.

As they walk through the base, they receive several curious looks. Some of scolding, some of admiration, but most are just intrigued by the fact that they are walking together. Ben doesn't know how much the lower rank members know about him and his connection to the General. But after this meeting, he knows that his mother will take care of his current image and position, so that everyone knows about his new alliance with the Resistance.

Leia Organa has always ensured that even if her subordinates had divergent opinions, they remained faithful to her and her ideology, thus maintaining a structure that even the First Order was unable to erect. And in the end, this almost unconditional confidence and admiration was able to overthrow what was thought to be the largest military organization in the galaxy.

Even with few resources, the Resistance had proved that loyalty is greater than fear, and all was thanks to Leia Organa. If loyalty to his mother destroyed the First Order, she had all the tools to get Ben accepted, and the meeting with the leaders was just the beginning.

When they reach a less busy part of the base, Rey grabs Ben's hand and pulls him into a corridor that is used as a warehouse. The floor is full of boxes, poorly lit and with no one around, perfect for a discreet encounter.

Ben's heart leaps in anticipation. The matter he wants to discuss with her is serious, but the light from the emergency lamp illuminates Rey's face and highlights what is most beautiful in her. The cheekbones, the almond-shaped eyes and the slightly parted lips, ready to say something. He can’t help it, the urge to kiss her right now is immense, and it’s something he hasn't done since last night.

Her eyes, which he notices are darker than usual in that light, shyly look at the floor, breaking the gaze between them.

Rey doesn't know where to start, when she was in the middle of that crisis all she wanted to do was tell Ben everything, get that anguish out of her chest and pray that it never came back. But now she’s afraid to bring it up and open this door again in her mind. She knows that it is necessary and that he is concerned about her, even though she now realizes that his will is different... and gods, hers too.

His eyes are on her, especially on her lips. But he cannot allow himself to be distracted, he needs answers. And aiming to return to the reason why they went there, Ben starts the conversation, never letting go of her hands.

"Are you alright? Can we talk now about what happened to you?”

Rey rests her head on the metal wall and sighs. It won't be easy to bring it up.

"I should have been more careful with what I said when you came looking for me... I'm sorry." Ben says, clearly sorry.

"It's alright... I... I don't even know how to deal with it yet, everything that happened... it feels like a star destroyer ran over me."

"Let's find this out together." Ben tightens his grip on her hand. "You don't have to go through this alone, I'm here."

He touches her face affectionately and she smiles slightly.

"I preferred thinking that I was nobody... it was easier to deal with than having the blood of a genocide..."

"You were never a nobody, Rey..."

"You said..."

“I was an idiot! I still am, but I'm a more conscious idiot.”

They both smile slightly, the tension in Rey's shoulders easing.

“I just wanted it to be different... or not to know about it. What I felt when Rose said his name... it was like the memories of Exegol came to my mind at full speed and crushed me. It was like... a trigger. As if the fact that other people might know...” She stops and looks at an invisible spot on the floor.

"They don't know everything."

“What if they find out? How are they going to look at me, Ben? ”

Ben is momentarily speechless... _if they knew they would look at you as they look at me..._ No! They would never look at Rey like that. She never committed any crime... _I did, Kylo Ren did..._

“They will look at you as the person you are, and you are not Palpatine. You are Rey, heroine of the Resistance. Your name will be spoken in every corner of the galaxy! Little boys and little girls will sigh when they mention you and dream of being like you one day. That's who you are, Rey! An example to be admired! ”

"It's not like that, Ben..." she says with a hint of a smile. It's working.

“Of course it is... and it’s already happening. Just look into the eyes of each member of the Resistance. ”

"What if they find out that..."

“If they find out and it changes their opinion, they can go to hell with their judgment. Rey will always be Rey... my Rey ”

_"Your?"_ She says with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

Ben feels his face burn slightly with the sudden new direction the conversation has taken.

"Er... too much?"

"Maybe..."

Ben holds Rey's gaze until he feels her hand pull him by the shirt and force his massive figure to lean over her.

"But I kinda like it..." she says, blushing beautifully.

Ben smirks and brings his face even closer to hers.

"Just kinda?"

"Okay... I do like it..."

Ben closes the space between them and presses his lips against Rey's. It starts with a slight movement of their mouths, her inexperience is adorable, it only makes Ben even more eager to teach her. Not that he has much experience himself...

Some kisses stolen in his youth, gambling bets, and well... holos... But nothing that would probably be close to reality, just enough for a teenager to relieve himself of his hormonal explosion.

For a second while feeling the soft, chaste touch of Rey's lips, he wonders if she has had any practice on Jakku, however small... soon the thought leaves his mind, Ben doesn't want to imagine her with anyone else. It is already difficult to remember his own experiences, which were not with her, and he does not want to think about the ones she hypothetically has had. Not that it matters that much.

Suddenly, she parts her lips and her tongue timidly touches Ben's lips, which paralyzes for a moment with the taste of Rey. She moves away quickly, covering the mouth with her hands and looking embarrassedly at him.

Rey had never allowed such a deep and intimate contact with anyone- in fact, she doesn't even know if this is usually done... or if it is done this way. Even with the dim light from the corridor, he can see that her face is turning very red.

Ben caresses her face to reassure her and presses his forehead to hers.

"It's okay..." And he presses a kiss to her temple. "I like that..." he kisses her hands and cheeks. "... you can do whatever you want with me, Rey... whatever you like..."

Ben squeezes her waist with his strong, huge hands, bringing her closer to him, holding her close to his body, allowing her to feel his ragged breathing and his muscles, tense because of years of training.

Rey removes her hands from her face and looks at him again- this time, Ben can see a small smile on her lips.

She approaches him again and now smashes her lips to his, allowing him to taste all of her mouth.

Ben is in heaven... and he would kill whoever takes him out of his paradise... except Rey, she can stop at any moment and he will respect her, but by the Force he wants her not to...

Rey wraps her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Even with a crowded base and various things happening around them, all they can hear, in the refuge that is this dark corridor, is the sound of their own fast breathing and the friction their wet lips make against the other’s.

Ben feels an uncomfortable tightening in his pants. His newly stiffened member presses against Rey's belly and the contact only stimulates him more.

He tightens his embrace even more, the effect she has on him is overwhelming, and his body doesn’t seem to want to behave when he’s close to her. Ben hopes she hasn't noticed, doesn't want to make her feel more embarrassed than she was a few moments ago.

It will be worse if he comes in his pants, like an inexperienced boy who saw a pair of breasts for the first time in a holo.

But they are fully dressed and in the middle of a passionate kiss, and Ben is no boy, but Rey... Rey drives him crazy, messes with his mind and heart.

She's been tormenting him for over a year, he never expected to find himself in a situation like this with her, only in his lustful dreams, when he allowed himself to forget that he should hate her for abandoning him in the Supremacy and let his desire and fascination take all of his imagination.

But now he doesn't need to use his imagination, her body is against his and, at some point he can't remember, he presses her against the metal wall of the corridor, allowing him to fit even more into her perfect curves and feel her heart beating frantically under her small breasts, or is it his? He can’t say...

His erection rubs against Rey's body and he knows he must stop. He doesn't want to embarrass her or play dumb in front of her. And he doesn’t want to go too fast either, it has to be perfect, every step of the way.

He breaks the kiss grudgingly, holding her by the shoulders as he tries to regulate his breathing by focusing the attention on his feet- if he looks at her in that moment, by the Force, he will kiss her again and free himself right there in that messy corridor.

Rey deserves more than that, and she will have much more, if it’s up to him on him, she will have everything she is able to dream about, or that she even knew could wish for. Which did not include having such an intimate moment in such a place as here.

Ben cannot say how far her innocence allows her to be aware of what is happening right now. Rey has more life experience than any Resistance or First Order fighter, and even him, in terms of survival, for all her years facing Jakku's wild society. But this... due to her shyness and her constantly red face he imagines that her experience of relationships and... well... intimacy, is probably none.

When Ben is finally able to look at her, Rey has a sad look in her eyes. He can feel through their connection all the rejection she is feeling. His stomach sinks. His reaction was too sudden for her to understand, he doesn't want her to feel that way, never again, much less because of him. Then he hurries to explain himself.

"It's not what you're thinking!"

"And how do you know what I'm thinking?"

“You aren't exactly good at hiding your emotions, Rey, especially from me. We don't need to have a connection for me to understand how you feel... ”

“Since you know... why did you stop? Didn't I please you? Did I do something wrong?"

“Force! You would never do anything wrong! ” Ben gives her a slight smile to reassure her. “You didn't do anything wrong, Rey. In fact, I'm surprised! I really didn't expect... well, that it would happen! So much that I had to stop... ”

"But why? I don't understand, Ben. Did you stop because you liked it...? ”

“More or less, err... another time I'll explain. I still need to recover. But please, don't think you did something wrong... that was wonderful, sweetheart, tasting you was the best thing that ever happened to me... ”

"Are you sure it was the best thing?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No… having you back was the best thing, sweetheart." Ben says these words with a passionate look.

"Sweetheart?"

"Too much?"

"No... I like it." She concludes with a wide smile.

Ben also smiles and kisses her lightly. Rey grabs his hand and they both walk out of that corridor, their fingers tangled together. He cannot hide his contentment. The Jedi moves his head and heart in a way that he cannot explain, and consequently his body betrays him. _Force, Rey!_

Once again, they walk down the halls of the base and all eyes are on them. Rey holds his hand insistently, and he can't help but look at her proudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! And thanks for every kudo and bookmark, let me know what you think and leave a comment <3   
> Especial thanks to my beautiful beta Jo <3 @burnsidekobatneska on tumblr


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tells Rey a secret...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I hope all are well and healthy! Here's another chapter ... I don't know if someone is reading this, but if you are, enjoy <3

Chapter 7

Ben lets himself be guided by Rey, who apparently wants to take him to a specific place. She leads him through the maze of corridors at the base, never letting go of his hand, not caring about the curious looks they get.

They turn a few more corners until they reach a two-level pavilion located in the most fortified area of the base. The complex has a large central atrium with some living areas on the ground floor. The corridors on each floor face the center, so it’s possible to see the rows of doors that give access to several rooms, which seem to look the same.

Soon Ben assumes that this is the Resistance dormitory wing. As it is the middle of the day, there are few people there- everyone is busy with their chores, there is a lot of work to be done after the great battle. Rey probably has things to do too... but he’s happy that she’s there with him.

The distribution of the rooms does not seem to follow a hierarchy pattern as in the First Order, since ordinary soldiers and officers of higher rank walk down the same corridors. Perhaps the only difference is that the officers are given individual rooms, while the other members have to share theirs.

There doesn’t seem to be any gender separation in the pavilion. Ben assumes that there may be some mixed rooms, but those for men and women are not located on different floors and, from what he can see, entire families probably reside at the base, and it’s not practical to have them sleep apart from each other.

Rey takes him to the second floor, pointing to a door at the end of the hall.

"Well... welcome home!" she says excitedly as she activates the metal door to open and reveal the room.

There is not much to describe. It is small and the furniture consists of a bunk bed, a small desk and a one-door closet. The circulation area of the room is just enough for two people to stand inside at the same time. Both of them enter the room, and Ben can get a better look at his new ‘home’.

Despite the simplicity of it, everything is spotlessly clean and tidy, and the bed appears to be quite comfortable. Although it is not difficult for a mattress to be more comfortable than that of the infirmary.

"I know it's nothing compared to the Supreme Leader's room, but... at least it means you’re with us." Rey has a dreamy look as he looks around the room, and she finally looks at him with a small smile.

"Indeed... but just you being here already makes it much better than my old room."

"I have been to your old one."

"It was not the best of occasions."

"And now it is?" she asks with a smile.

"At least you're not trying to kill me."

"What? You were trying to kill me!” Rey has an indignant expression on her face that Ben finds extremely funny, and he can't help but smile.

"I was trying to talk to you... as usual."

"Poor misunderstood boy."

"Not anymore." He says with a smile as he pulls her close, his arms around her waist, and gives her a quick kiss.

Ben lets go of her and takes another good look around. When he faces the two beds again, he thinks for a moment that Rey is going to stay with him there. This is obviously not the case, it would be too good to be true... but it won’t hurt to ask.

"So... there are two beds here..." he looks at her suggestively, raising an eyebrow and with a hint of hope in his voice.

"I share my room with Rose."

"Hmmm..." Ben lets out an overly dramatic and almost childish snort to show his disappointment.

"Er... We are just a few doors away, don't worry." Rey blushes slightly and looks away.

Ben can't help but think how beautiful it is, her red cheeks make her look even more youthful, a stark contrast with her wild personality, something that he has witnessed several times.

They stare at each other in silence for a minute, the light from the pavilion skylight illuminating the room through the open door, and the stillness of the corridor allowing them more privacy.

“Who chose this room? Do the general and her commanders know that I am in a common dormitory?” He says with a slight ironic smile.

"I doubt that they would oppose after your late contribution to the cause of the Resistance."

"And what would that be?" Ben moves closer to her.

"Saving the last Jedi."

Ben’s expression is serious for a moment but then Rey corrects herself.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell them about you healing me, they just know that you saved me from Palpatine and not that I... temporarily died ."

Ben lets out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.

"And to answer your first question... I chose this room."

"Any particular reason for choosing this one?"

"Well... I... I knew that this room was completely empty and that it is discreet, at the end of the corridor, there’s little movement around... there is an exit right there... and… if you need something... or something happens... I'm just a few doors away.”

Ben smiles, knowing that Rey will be close to him, and that she is... worried about him... but he had hoped the answer would be less practical and more emotional. For the first time today, Ben notices a twinge of fear in her eyes.

It should be obvious to him- the Resistance still doesn't completely trust him, neither the officers nor the fighters. The risk of retaliation is real, it would only take a person who knows who he is and who is stupid enough to face him for hell to break loose.

He’s not concerned about being hurt, no one there but Rey is able to harm him physically... the problem is what he would do to someone stupid enough to try and fight him.

Even an act of self-defense could be used against him, and it would be even worse if he can't control his anger and takes it out on a simple inconsequential person. And even Rey will not be enough to defend him, if he deserves it, because Ben knows that if he does something harmful to someone at the base, she won’t be able be on his side.

Kylo Ren may no longer exist, but so many years walking in the shadows have left their tracks. There is a lot of anger and pain inside him that won’t fade away in just one day. A lifetime of unresolved feelings and belonging to the Dark Side still need time to heal inside him. But the first step has already been taken, and it's the most important, many others will come.

Ben is walking on thin ice with the Resistance, of that he is sure, he must be cautious. Trust cannot be earned overnight. He would even understand if Rey has her own insecurities about him.   
Would him?

Ben smiles to break the tension.

"So... can I count on the protection of Jedi Rey?"

Rey rolls her eyes at the comment.

"You’ve really changed..."

"Not so much."

"More than you think, so much so that two days ago you and I were exchanging offenses and fighting to death..."

“Are we going to have this discussion again? I wasn't trying to kill you, Rey... you know that... you, on the other hand...”

"I healed you with the Force!" Rey punches him lightly in the chest. "And I just wanted to hurt you... seriously." She says with a mischievous and childish smile.

Ben takes her by the elbows and brings her even closer to him.

"If I have changed so much, what do you want now?"

She blushes again and stands on her tiptoes, placing a kiss on his lips.

What was supposed to be a quick, soft kiss, went on even longer. Ben can't resist, every time she kisses him, or allows him to kiss her, it’s like a dream, something that, for more than a year, he had only allowed to be real in his imagination, but it’s true now, she’s right here.

His hands are still firm on her elbows, while hers grab his shirt. Their tongues touch lightly, it’s a much slower kiss than the one they shared in that corridor. By the Force. The effect that Rey has on him is so strong and intense that he can already feel his heart racing and... well... his pants tighten slightly.

Suddenly, she breaks the kiss and turns away from him, panting.

"It´s better... if we stop here... before you get so affected again... by the way, did you eat today?" Rey struggles to change the topic of the conversation and hide her pink cheeks.

Ben raises an eyebrow at her and he can feel his own face start to burn, maybe she knows more than he imagined, and he mentally thanks her for changing the subject right away. With so much going on today, he hadn't thought about food yet. He was offered a small breakfast, but he did not want to risk eating and having an "accident" occur during the treatment in the bacta tank. It was humiliating enough to wear those diapers, and it would be even worse if he were to properly "use" them. At least the ex-stormtrooper would find it funny...

Ben's stomach remembers that it is empty, and it makes such a loud noise that Rey laughs at the sound.

“I'm going to the cafeteria to bring you something. Lunch was some time ago, so I don't know if the good stuff will still be there.” She says hurriedly, as she walks out the door before he can even answer.

"Wait here!" She screams from the corridor as she runs up the stairs.

He will wait, he will wait for her without a doubt . Ben throws himself on the bed and lets out a long sigh after Rey is completely out of sight. His adaptation period has officially begun.

+++

Ben uses his time alone to explore the room better. He finds nothing but a few base manuals and a standard combat uniform, clearly too short for him. It’s a khaki jumpsuit like the one that he has seen some Resistance mechanics wearing, but he soon discards the garment- it doesn’t fit, and black has always looked much better on him anyway. He will need something else to wear, but he knows that a wardrobe like the one he is used to will be an unattainable luxury here. Being raised by Leia Organa, he got used to it.

He notices that the entrance door has a panel with a digital security system, and decides to configure it with his own password and fingerprint. A little privacy will come in handy.

As soon as the setup is finished, Rey arrives at the dorm with two trays of food. Ben assumes that the cafeteria is not far away, since she hasreturned so quickly. Immediately, he has an idea.

"Gimme your hand." He asks her.

“What? Why?”

"You'll see."

Ben takes the trays and sets them on the desk, grabbing Rey's hand next and pressing it against the panel reader.

"Consider yourself from now on authorized to enter my quarters whenever you wish."

She looks up and shakes her head as she tries to keep from laughing.

"I know that a lock would not prevent you from entering, but this way we save the Resistance from having to fix a damaged door."

"Very funny."

They both smile and sit on the bottom bunk to eat. The food doesn't seem the most appetizing, at least compared to that of the Firs... No. Ben fights the thought, it is ridiculous to compare the Resistance with the First Order, he must leave that chapter of his life behind if he wants to be part of this new reality.

Rey doesn't seem to care about the quality and appearance of the food- for her, it's a refined feast compared to the rations she received at Jakku. Living in such a hostile environment taught her to value everything that was considered edible, wasting food was the difference between life and death. And the guarantee that the Resistance gives of having a next meal makes everything even more delicious.

They eat silently. Ben realizes how he had missed something as simple as having company for lunch. Even when he was younger, and his parents were often occupied with appointments until late at night, there was always someone who accompanied him during his meals. Whether it was the nannies or some neighboring son of a diplomat who wanted to flatter him. Even though it was not the most pleasant situation, he was never alone.

The Dark Side brought loneliness to all aspects of his life... but that has also been left behind.

Ben is lost in this reverie while facing Rey, who is concentrated on her meal. When she notices his constant gaze, she smiles at him shyly and he instantly reciprocates.

"Can I ask you something, Ben?"

"Anything you want."

“What did you mean that Poe doesn't know the whole story? What story is this , Ben? ”

Ben is silent for a moment. He’s so used to keeping this fact to himself that he doesn't know how to explain it. Nobody has ever asked him about his version, in fact, nobody has ever interested in knowing, since they thought the truth to be obvious and only one. Little did they know... He feels a twinge of resentment, a feeling that has been part of his routine for over seven years and that pushed him into the Dark Side, and further, fueled by Snoke. He shakes his head trying to fight off those feelings. Let the past die... it’s a new life now... a life with Rey... he hopes.

"It's about the temple." He says vaguely.

“I know that, but... there's something else. Is it okay if you tell me?”

Ben smiles slightly, this is a subject that still hurts him. The memory of the most decisive moment of his life, which caused him to break any and all ties he had with his family and his legacy, gives him chills to remember. But his heart warms when he sees in Rey's eyes how much she really wants to know what he has to say. Nobody has cared about him for a long time. She does, her gaze making it obvious.

"After... what happened in my cabin..." He starts reluctantly and Rey squeezes his hand to encourage him. “As soon as I got out of the rubble, I felt Snoke in my head again. His presence was as strong as yours and his voice as clear as mine now. He... wanted me to kill the other students and to destroy everything, that there was nothing else for me there. That I should join him, that with Skywalker against me I had no other option... ”Ben inhales heavily, it is not an easy conversation.

"It's okay, Ben."

“I tried to resist, I really did. But I was terrified, stunned by what happened, I was unable to react, given such an evil force that he had. Snoke realized that I couldn't do anything at that moment... so he handled it his way. ”

_"Let the past behind, my boy... you can’t go to your old home now... I’m your home... WE are your home now!"_

_Ben's entire body trembles wildly when he sees the black TIE fighters of the First Order tearing through the night sky and immediately shooting towards the Jedi temple. Making it burn quickly._

_He can hear the screams of his comrades in the midst of chaos, and then immediately go silent, as well as his signatures on the Force._

_After what seemed like an eternity, but was actually a few seconds, Ben collapsed after a wave of overwhelming energy. The last sound he hears before he completely loses consciousness is Snoke's macabre laugh of satisfaction._

It hadn’t been him who had destroyed the temple... it had all been designed by Snoke and the First Order. They gave him no option to go back home, said that no one would accept him, no one would believe his version of what had happened. But she does, Rey believes every word he said, she can feel in the Force that this is the truth.

"It wasn't you..." Rey's eyes are wide with surprise, and her jaw is loose.

"I let it happen, in a way..."

“He took you down, Ben! You are innocent! It was not you!" Now she’s smiling and he cannot understand how this is possible, after the terrible story he has just told.

“Rey, I am not innocent. I let Snoke take me, and everything I did afterwards... ”

“I know, Ben. You missed... a lot. But, of this, you are innocent.”

Rey looks at Ben with teary eyes. She sets her tray aside and hugs him tightly around the neck, taking him by surprise. She buries her face in his strong, soft, and, as she can smell it, very fragrant neck.

It takes a moment for Ben to return the hug properly and finally let himself be carried away by the wave of affection and light that emanates from her. He could stay there forever, smelling her hair and touching every inch of skin possible, crushing her in his arms until he didn’t know where he started and she ended. The weight that has been lifted from his shoulders is immeasurable, and all thanks to Rey, as always. She believes in him, finally someone does, and he realizes that this is just as precious as when he got her back at Exegol. The Force did not choose her to be his for nothing ...

They stay like that for a few more moments. He can feel that she is crying, the collar of his shirt already slightly wet. Ben breaks the hug and faces her with all the love and tenderness he can muster. He wipes her tears with his fingers, disproportionately large for such a delicate face. His vision is slightly blurred, and soon his cheeks are also wet.

"Thank you... thank you for everything, Rey." Ben says in a choked voice, kissing her right away. A slow, delicate kiss, full of gratitude.

She kisses him back in the same way, stroking the hair on the back of his neck and grasping the back of his shirt. They put their foreheads together to catch their breath, and can't help but smile at each other.

“You need to tell your mother, Ben. She deserves to know. If I've been touched by the truth, imagine what she will feel... take that weight off her back too!” She is clearly excited about the idea of Leia knowing the true history of the temple.

“I know, Rey. I will. But that doesn't change everything I did...”

“One step at a time, Ben. One step at a time."

Ben smiles and nods before pulling her in for another long, tender kiss. He doesn't fit in words all the gratitude he feels for her. Each time he is more certain that it was not him who saved her, but the other way around. Even if he lived 100 years he wouldn't be able to repay her. But he will find a way. Rey deserves the whole universe..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is today's chapter! If you liked it please be kind and leave a comment and kudo <3 thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn makes a request to Rey. Ben finally has a frank conversation with his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the delay in updating the new chapter. Things are complicated in real life. Unfortunately this chapter has not yet passed through the magical hands of my dear Beta, but as soon as it is properly revised, I will edit it here! Be well, Jo, you are the best <3  
> So I ask you now to ignore and forgive my grammatical errors, as I said at the beginning, I am not a native English speaker, and I am still learning every day.  
> Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Both go back to eat silently, exchanging glances at one time or another. Rey feels her face burn slightly every time she catches Ben staring at her, which makes her cheeks a lovely shade of pink. She gives a shy smile to disguise it and turns her attention to the food.

In a way it is still strange ... to have him around. Even though she is now aware that actually could always feel him, before they met, because of the Dyad. But to see him sitting next to her peacefully and within the Resistance base is an unexpected scene given his historical. This is a dream that Rey knows belonged to Leia, but even the General gave up on it last year.

Every time they met in the past it was in tense and hostile situations. The only exceptions were when their connection opened and they had these meetings through the Force while she was still in Ach-To, where until then both could not touch and much less fight, but even that changed in Kijimi.

Just having him around, in peace, being able to touch him and see him smile... know the real Ben Solo... is strangely pleasant, a word she wouldn't use to define him until recently, days ago exactly.

There is still a long way to go, the man she met is not the same who is sitting next to her in this dorm bed. There is still much to know about Ben, and much to be fixed ... she would not be deluded into thinking that the scars from his past healed instantly along with the one she put on his face at Starkiller Base.

And the consequences that these open scars can bring... would be catastrophic... Now more than ever he needs hers and Leia´s support to move on. For everyone to move on.

Love brought Ben Solo back ... and love will heal him.

Rey shivers at the thought of how unstable Ben may still be. He had a small explosion at this morning's meeting, which was completely understandable because of Poe's provocation, she herself has lost patience with the pilot many times before. But any more hostile reaction from Ben would be interpreted differently in the eyes of the Resistance leaders. She doesn't even want to imagine what it will be like if he has to face the Senate...

Rey wakes up from her daydreams when she feels Ben take the tray off her lap and place it next to his on the desk. And without saying a word he looks at her intensely when he turns to her.

Being alone with her and at peace is a privilege beyond measure. In some moments, he doesn't even believe that he can touch her when he wants to, hold her hand without fear, kiss her without any reprisals and tell her how he feels without receiving an aggressive response and end up in a meaningless fight.

Returning to the Light brought several positive things to him, like returning to hug his mother and the possibility of a life without torments, but having Rey by his side is the greatest gift of all...

Her hair is still down, with only the front part tied behind her head by a leather ribbon, best showing her face full of lovely freckles.

She is so beautiful, so young, and even though her gaze carries all the weight of the hard life she has had, they are still soft looking at him. He can get lost for hours in that beautiful shade of hazel. Enjoying only the sound of her breathing, the music of her precious life, which the Force had the pity to bring back to him.

Automatically, they approach their faces, both are not sure who started the kiss, but in a second their lips are dancing sweetly to each other. It is impossible to keep them away for a long time when they are so close.

Rey’s sweet taste is still there, now with a hint of garlic and salt, but Ben doesn’t care a bit, it takes a lot more hindrance to stop him from kissing her mouth and tasting every inch of it with his tongue.

Only the wet sound of their mouths biting and licking can be heard every second more intensely. Involuntarily, Ben bends over Rey to deepen the kiss and reach some more unknown corner of her mouth. She has no resistance and even lets out a low moan of satisfaction. Force... her pleasure is as stimulating as his own. If it continues like this, maintaining sanity will be hard work.

Ben struggles to keep his hands to himself. He will not answer for himself if he allows to touch her now that they are alone in a locked room, with no curious eyes to judge them.

But this is not the time, he can feel it. Even because don't want Rey's first time... and... his... to be in such an claustrophobic and uncomfortable environment as this. She deserves a queen's suite...

As if in a tasteless joke of the Force, the two hear a knock on the metal door from outside and then Finn's voice calling for Rey.

He and Rey were so distracted by the impeccable kiss that they shared that didn't even feel the presence of anyone approaching the room. Especially she who knew her friend's signature so well. But the effect Ben has on her when he touches her, forces her to let the guard down completely.

After a second, they move away and Ben cannot hold his frustrated sigh and his face immediately closes in an unfriendly and even threatening expression.

She looks at him fearfully for a second expecting some more negative reaction from him. Having none, Rey feels confident enough to get up and open the door.

Finn is standing in front of Rey when she opens it. He even take a short step back in surprise.

He looks over her shoulder, at his reaction, Ben must be staring at him with his usual frightening mask. The former stormtrooper swallows hard and tries to hide his discomfort at the presence of the man he has become used to call Kylo Ren.

“Hi, Rey! Can we... talk? ” He asks nervously, changing his gaze from Ben to Rey, clearly he has disturbed something, the tall man's look is like knives.

"Err... yeah! Sure! ” Rey says clearly embarrassed.

Ben, who is not happy to be interrupted, is even more upset that Finn wants to get Rey away from him. Is a moment alone with her asking too much?

"How did you... know that I'm here?" Rey asks with an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"Er... well... Rose told me and... sorry I didn't know he would be here." Finn scratches his head uncomfortably.

"This is my room after all." Ben grumbles with clear dissatisfaction, loud enough for Finn to hear.

"Rey... I want to talk to you about... something that happened." Finn says trying to ignore the comment. Ben smiles discreetly at the discomfort of Rey's friend, he cannot interrupt them in such an intimate moment and not suffer a little intimidation.

"Okay okay... let’s talk... outside."

"Okay..." Finn hurries to the corridor and takes a few steps before realizing that Rey is not following him.

"I'm going... I'll meet you down there."

Finn nods and leaves the dormitory hall as soon as possible.

"Do you really need to go?" Ben asks with a much lighter expression.

"Yes... he and I haven't talked properly since before Exegol."

"I understand... but I still don't want you to go..."

"Ben..."

"Will you return?" Ben asks with an exaggerated pleading look, which steals a slight smile from Rey.

"I don't know, I have a lot to talk to Finn ... and you too!"

"With Finn?" Ben raises an eyebrow.

"Don't be silly..." Rey rolls her eyes and laughs at his lack of interpretation. "... with your mother... go to her, Ben.”

She places a quick kiss on his cheek and heads towards Finn, leaving behind a thoughtful Ben Solo.

If telling Rey about the story of the temple was already a challenge for him, speaking to his mother will take all his strength to face one of his biggest traumas for the second time in the same day.

+++

The training yard is completely empty, with the end of the war there is no longer an immediate need to prepare new recruits. Not to mention that everyone is still recovering from last night's party. Thus leaving the arena to the flies. Perfect for Finn to have a private conversation with Rey.

They sit on the edge of a tatami and finally the young man feels comfortable starting the subject.

"Rey... I want to tell you the most fantastic thing that happened to me... that was always part of me, but before... before I met you... I hadn't... awakened! I can feel the Force, Rey! Just like you. It is part of me! Everything around me is so much more connected with...”

"Is that what you had to tell me?" She asks with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

Finn immediately interrupts his philosophical speech about the Force and looks at Rey slightly perplexed, she in turn does not seem at all surprised by the "news". She smiles with her friend's inquiring expression.

"How you...?"

“Our connection is no accident, Finn. After I understood the ways of the Force better, I realized that you and it have a strong bond, which is hardly ignored for a trained user.”

Finn opens his mouth in shock. He was full of expectation to surprise her, but it turned out to be the other way around.

"Well... I... Damn, Rey! It was supposed to be a surprise! ” Finn's voice carries his clear disappointment.

“So be more discreet with your ‘talents’ next time.” She says, still laughing at Finn's clear disappointment.

He smiles in resignation and then looks back at her intensely, holding their hands firmly.

"Since you know, I need to ask you a very very important request... Rey... I want you to teach me the ways of the Force!"

"Finn I ..."

“Please, Rey! I don't trust anyone else to guide me in my training. You are the best Jedi I know! ” Finn says with exaggerated enthusiasm.

"Finn..."

“Imagine what we could discover together while exploring this galaxy! Kicking bad guys' asses... ”

"Finn, I´m the ONLY Jedi you know!"

“There could be 10,000 Jedi in this galaxy as in the days of the Republic, but none of them faced what you did. Anakin Skywalker may have destroyed the Emperor once, but he wouldn't survive a lifetime on Jakku alone and then kick Palpatine's ass. But Rey could, and Rey did. And that is why you are the best for me.”

Rey smiles, touched by his friend's words, squeezing his hands even more. Finn looks Rey in the eye deeply, as if to make her understand how much he trusts her to be his master.

“Rey, I’m ready! I can feel it! The Force never talked to me before like this but now I can feel that... And you can feel that too.”

The young Jedi smiles again. Yes... she can feel it.

"Well... did you tell Poe and Rose about your new... vocation?"

"Well, it's not on the mood... I don't know if he noticed, but we had a big party last night and he's under the effects of a hangover, I don't know where they got so much alcohol from!"

"Well, it's not on the mood... I don't know if you noticed but we had a big party last night and he's under the effects of a hangover, I don't know where they got so much alcohol from!"

“Certainly Lando has something to do with this. And about Poe, the hangover is not the only reason for his bad mood more than usual, but it explains a little ... ”

"Not that I have seen him all day in a good mood but today it is difficult even for me."

Both give a relaxed laugh at the comment, which reminded her that at some point she must also speak to Poe and put warm cloths on the situation. If it is already uncomfortable for him, for Rey it is much worse. She does not want to lose her friendship with the commander, but at the same time she cannot admit the constant attacks on Ben. Have to find a solution so that at least everyone can live in peace.

But she'll worry about it another time ... another day.

"So ... are you ready for your training?"

"As I have never been in my life!" Finn says enthusiastically.

"But you know that I am still training with Leia..." Rey speaks very emphatically. She wants Finn to understand that even though she starts training him, her training is not even complete.

“You learn with Leia... and I learn with you. As I said, you are the best jedi I know, Rey, and even though I don't know anyone else, you are still number one!”

Rey smiles widely at him, Finn's presence is so comforting that all the tension of the day is just gone. It is not the first time that her friend has freed her from this stress bubble, and she is immensely grateful for that.

"Okay ... so let's get started ... Let me see if you can handle real Jedi training."

"I accept the challenge with honor!"

Rey smiles and the two get up on the mat with an encouraging and challenging look at each other.

+++

For the first time, Ben finds himself wandering the corridors of the base alone. He walks aimlessly to get somewhere and does not pay any real attention to his surroundings. Not that it has much to see.

He is practically alone, which he thanks the Force immensely. He is not at all willing to deal with people's curiosity, much less if someone more daring decides to approach him.

Since Rey went out with Finn to who knows where, his mind was filled with anxiety and doubt. He knows that she wants him to tell his mother what really happened at the temple, but ... would it make a real difference?

He killed so many people after that that there came a time when he didn't even care if they found him guilty of the massacre or not. He even rejoiced at his reputation as a relentless killer and the fear and respect that came with it. _It didn't matter... I wouldn't come home anyway._

But the fate played a trick on him, and with that the dilemma was established. A single drop of innocence does not wipe out an ocean of blood. It was not so with Vader, and it is not so with Ben.

Since discovering that Darth Vader is his grandfather, he has not seen his mother express an ounce of sympathy for the man. Even though she discovers her heroic past as Anakin Skywalker and her redemptive end in saving his son, forgiveness is not exactly a feeling that Leia Organa harbored for her biological father. She chose to simply throw it into oblivion and put a stone on top of the story.

And probably... it won't be different with Ben, but she doesn't have the option to avoid him, and from what he's seen in the last few days, that's not what she wants... her mother loves him, without a doubt, but this love will cost her a lot...

Ben bends a few more corridors outside the path. And as if ironically, he feels his mother's presence very close. He lets himself be guided by the Force to her, sending out vibrations, warning that he is approaching, a custom he had as a child and that is now extremely nostalgic.

As soon as he identifies the entrance to her rooms, Leia is waiting for her son at the door, with a warm smile on her lips.

"Good night, mom." He greets her awkwardly.

"Good night, Ben." She smiles warmly at him, taking some of his insecurity, Leia is clearly happy to see him. “Come in, dear. I was checking out some reports but I would love company for tea.”

He nods silently as he enters the general's chambers.

The room is clearly much larger than his own. It has an anteroom with a desk full of datapads, she was probably bombarded with reports.

Leia invites him to sit down and smiles widely at her son as she pours him a cup of hot, flavored liquid. She settles in front of him and, for a few moments, there is an awkward silence. After so many years apart, starting a casual conversation is a challenge. But if he has to tell his story, he must start somehow.

"How was your day? Was there a setback? ” she asks slightly concerned, breaking the silence. Ben thanks her mentally for taking the initiative.

"Er... yeah. It was... alright. ”

"Did anyone bother you?"

"No, no... I stayed with Rey all afternoon, I didn't really talk to anyone else."

"I see... I hope... what happened at the meeting didn't bother you so much, Poe has a very difficult temper."

"On second thought, it's not like I didn't deserve it after all..."

She interrupts the movement of raising the cup to her mouth and looks at him again without an answer. And there is, right in her face, a twinge of accomplishment and agreement that she was not so quick to hide. He cannot blame her, against facts there are no arguments. And Leia was never blind or stupid. Her son may have found the Light again but it doesn't erase what she knows he did.

She welcomed him with open arms and gave him more attention than ever did in his youth. But the conflict is still there... taking back the son who throughout the galaxy is known as Kylo Ren is a moral challenge for the General. And telling her about the temple can either be a little relief to her shoulders or just not make much of a difference to her image, until then flawless, but now she is getting muddy with his presence here. The looks of the Resistance members do not let him lie. They still admire her immensely, but many consider the fact that Ben is not behind bars a fault of hers...

To his surprise, Leia recomposes her posture and sets the cup aside.

“What's done is done, Ben. We will all pay for our sins one day. Some more, some less. ”

"I committed more than a few..."

“Yes, Ben... you did. You did."

And again, the awkward silence is established. Leia looks thoughtfully at one point in the room. She knew that this uncomfortable conversation would come. Much needs to be said, but looking back over a painful past after the happiness of having Ben back is distressing, and she feels as unprepared as ever.

Leia looks back at him, analyzing him. Ben looks at an invisible spot on the floor and his left leg dangles anxiously. Right now, he looks like nothing more than a boy, with a whirlwind of thoughts that need to get out. Something is disturbing him, the Force has not brought him here in vain.

“Tell me, Ben. Tell me what you came to tell me... ”

“Do you really want to listen? Know the truth? Would you believe... ”

"Of course, Ben!... Take that weight off your heart."

"Promise?" Ben's eyes are almost pleading. Leia gets up from her seat and approaches him, gripping his huge hands tightly.

"Yes, my boy... I promise."

And after a deep breath, Ben finally tells his story.

+++

Tears flow freely over Leia's face. Both of happiness for knowing that Ben is innocent of this crime and of sadness for all the suffering and manipulation that he had to go through.

Snoke not only destroyed his boy's mind, but he distorted that of the entire galaxy. The story that an apprentice betrayed the celebrated jedi Luke Skywalker and destroyed his legacy is known from every corner of the system. Some treat it like a legend, others don't know his name but in none of the versions is the real guilty mentioned.

"Oh Ben ... my poor boy."

Leia shortens the distance between them and hugs him tightly and with immense relief in the heart. They stay like that for a few seconds in silence, just enjoying the contact.

“Why didn't you tell me, Ben? Why didn't you come home?”

“Don't you understand, mom? I couldn't go back. I was already a killer in the eyes of the entire galaxy, including yours. ”

Leia feels a twinge in her heart. The remorse in her son's voice is clear, she cannot blame him, he has said nothing but the truth.

“Would you take me back? Even after what you heard from your brother?”

“Yes, Ben! Luke is my brother but you are my son...”

“A son that you have always been afraid and suspicious of. I know you love me, mom, but you can't deny that this is true.”

Once again, Leia remains silent, feeling her stomach drop inside her and then the pain of realization comes. The truth is, she never gave Ben a reason to believe that she would accept and trust his words. She made a lot of mistakes, know that, he is absolutely right not to trust that she would welcome him. The traumas she caused on him did not allow a different direction for his story.

“I'm sorry, Ben. I was not the mother I dreamed of being. Sorry if at some point I made you feel helpless, alone or excluded. I just... didn't know what to do. And honestly, I still don't know... but I'm learning every day. I made too many mistakes and I'm paying for it. I didn't want the price for these mistakes to be charged to you either... ”Leia is interrupted by her own tears and sobs.

Ben also cries and hugs his mother with affection. She felt him relax in her arms, as he hadn't done in almost 30 years, when he was just her little baby asking for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! If you liked the chapter let me know! <3 <3 <3 I love when you guys tell me your thoughts about it. I will update the next chapter as soon as possible. Stay safe and at home <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia gives a mission to our heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! One more chapter on the way! Enjoy!

Chapter 9

Rey and Rose follow the flow of people towards the cafeteria to have their breakfast. The movement at the base is higher this morning. Apparently, everyone has recovered from the celebrations and is gradually returning to their normal functions.

The jedi looks around for Ben, but there is no sign of the tall man, who would obviously stand out among the combatants if he were around. She and Finn trained till late last night and haven't seen him since they said goodbye.

Even when she returned from training, she didn't feel his presence in the dorm, leaving her slightly worried, but she soon assumed that he should be with Leia, at least that was what expected. So she took the worries out of her head and went to sleep peacefully.

While imagining that Ben may still be with his mother, and even smiling at the thought, Rose chatters about something related to Finn.

“I hope you're ready to put your patience to the test, Rey. Finn will only talk about this training for the rest of the year. I've never seen him so excited. ” Rose says as she grabs Rey's arm and they enter the dining room. “He was so anxious to ask you to train him that he didn't even give me a second to speak. Glad you accepted! Maybe he'll give me a little more attention now. ”

Rey remains silent looking around, which did not go unnoticed by Rose, who tries to break her friend's tension.

“Rey... don’t worry... if something has happened to Ben we’ll know it. Anyway, the man can defend himself very well from any soldier here. ”

"I know, Rose..." She smiles slightly and relaxes a little."... it's just that..."

"It's weird to be away from him now that he's here." Complete Rose with a look of recognition.

"Yes, exactly..." says Rey with a sigh.

"I know what it is. And it has a name... ”

“Good morning, Ladies! What´s up to? ” Finn interrupts her speech by wrapping his arms around the shoulders of the two girls and apparently more excited than usual.

"Someone woke up excited this morning!" Rose says clearly referring to Finn.

“Excited for another day of training!”

“Take it easy, Finn. General Organa wants to talk to us after breakfast. ” Rey tries to ease his friend's anxiety.

"And what do you think of next?"

“We'll see that later. Now I'm hungry. ”

The three take their trays of food and join Poe at the table, who greets them with very good humor, contrary to what Rey has seen in recent days. She feels enormous relief, it is horrible to be under so much tension with a friend. Not that he has the easiest personality in the galaxy, but even though he shows himself to be a difficult person at times, he has a good heart, which Rey appreciates immensely. Dameron's relaxed side is back, she just doesn't know for how long.

Finn gestures with his arms at Poe, as if describing the movements of his training with Rey. Looking like a child excited about his new activity.

The pilot smiles happily at his friend and his visible animation. He's very different from the sullen man at the meeting the day before. Apparently, he had some time to calm down, and the fact that Ben is not present at this point helps a lot.

The ex-stormtrooper spares no praise for Rey, who feels her cheeks getting redder because of this. She pats Finn on the back, trying to lessen his friend's excitement and get him to focus on the meal, and stop making her look like a red tomato. After all, everyone has a meeting scheduled with Leia, and the last thing they want is to be late.

Rey thought she was eager to start training with Luke Skywalker, but her anxiety is nowhere near that of Finn.

The table is finally silent as they eat, but she can see that Poe is agitated, insistently shaking his left leg and playing with his food while trying to disguise it every time he catches it looking at him. _It was too good to be true..._

"Put out Poe!" Asks Rey in an exasperated tone.

"It's no big deal, Rey. Just that... apparently your friend is unsupervised since you're here without him as a shadow..."

“Ben doesn't need supervision, Poe. He's on our side. ” Says Rey trying to keep his tone calm.

“What guarantees that he is not a spy? Even Hux was leaking information to the Resistance... ”

“Enough! I will not discuss this with you! It's tiring enough already... after all, who would he be spying on? The First Order is gone... and I'm sick of you...” Rey replies ironically when interrupted by Rose.

"Guys! Enough! Living in this tension doesn't solve anything, besides being unbearable.” Rose says looking directly at Poe. It's not like the girl to lose her temper easily, but Rey silently thanks her for it.

The two calm down and everyone turns their attention to the food. Apparently, dealing with Poe will not be as easy as she expected...

+++

The movement in the room makes Ben slowly wake up from his sleep, which has rarely been as peaceful as tonight. No voices, no dreams, just peace and a relaxing void.

The smell of fresh coffee fills his nose with nostalgia for the time he lived with his parents, and this was an indication that another busy day was starting for them.

The memory has a bittersweet taste, sad to remember a time that will never come back, and happy to indicate that he recovered what little he had left. Or at least he's still trying ...

Finally he opened his eyes and looked around for his mother. They stayed up till late talking and Ben fell asleep like a baby on her bed, something he hadn't done since he was a boy with nightmares he couldn't understand. But now, apparently, they no longer exist.

Its massive shape occupies more than half of the bed, which, even though it is designed to accommodate two people, is not very spacious for its non-standard biotype. Leia had settled in the remaining space of the mattress, she didn't even care about the lack of comfort, sleeping with her big baby is a privilege she hadn't had in a long time, since he had grown too big to sleep with his mother .

Leia realizes that Ben woke up and smiles affectionately at his disheveled figure and his cheeks swollen from sleeping.

"Coffee?" She asks taking a cup with the steaming liquid.

"Yes please."

“Good morning, Master Ben. Do you still prefer your eggs with the soft yolk or has your taste changed? ”

C3PO's mechanical voice surprised him. He didn't see his mother's faithful protocol droid yesterday and didn't expect to find him preparing breakfast, much less wearing an ... apron. Leia's work of course, the excuse is certainly that she doesn't want to stain the golden paint. He leaves the room, which Ben thinks is a small kitchen, with a tray in hand and a mug full of coffee.

"Thank you, 3PO."

“You're welcome, Master Ben. It’s great to have you back. ”

Ben smiles at the droid, which for many is a simple machine but was so present in the Skywalker's life that the man learned to see him as a member of the family. This morning is being more nostalgic than expected.

Leia misses so much to see her son's swollen face in the morning, often accompanied by a slight bad mood, but that soon passed after a nice breakfast. These sweet memories were also rare moments between them. Countless times she left the house even before the sun came up and when she returned Ben was sleeping again.

After so many years without him, more than ever she wished she had spent more time in the past with her son... maybe his destiny had been different... and maybe she didn't need to be breaking her head and risking herself as now to be able to protect Ben from the consequences.

But the past cannot be changed, what remains is to face the uncertainty of the future...

"Did you sleep well, dear?" Leia asks him in a loving tone.

“Better than in a long time. Sorry for the lack of space...”

"It's all right. Big son, small mother. ”

Both smile with the pun and start eating their breakfast prepared and served by C3PO. Her mother was never the most skilled in the kitchen, but sometimes she ventured to cook something simple for Ben, and even though it was just a portion of fried eggs and pancakes, she always seasoned with a lot of love.

"We need to talk, Ben..." She says starting the subject carefully. “... we have to agree how we will proceed from now on. I hate to talk about this now, but we're out of time, my dear. ”

“I… I understand, mom. And I already imagine what you're going to ask me for. ”

“First of all, you need to comply with what you promised the Resistance. I need detailed reports with the inside information you have about the First Order. Any detail is important, Ben, however insignificant. Understood?"

"Yes, mother... I understand."

"Great!"

“But it is more than proven that I was not aware of everything that happened there. Palpatine worked on his plan all these years and left no clue that I could notice until a few months ago. After all, the First Order was his battle front, and I didn't even realize it. ”

“He took everyone by surprise. But whatever you can tell us, Ben, it will be very useful, both for the Republic and for you. ”

This information can be the key to his freedom. He made a deal with the Resistance and has every intention of keeping it. It's the least he can do after all the monstrosities he has done... but... will it be enough?

“Also... the council and I talked a lot about yesterday's meeting. We have come to the conclusion that we must more than ever strengthen our alliances with the forces that contributed to our victory in Exegol. Many of them appeared individually, but others were reinforcements from governments of different planets. The more allies, the greater the chance of suppressing any revolt that may happen to the remaining supporters of the First Order and Palpatine. To do this, we need to demonstrate our gratitude and good faith with our new partners.”

Ben knows his mother well enough to know that she will find a way to secure the support of the systems in case there are more future conflicts. The First Order was not the first malicious organization to want to dominate the galaxy and unfortunately it will not be the last, and Leia knows this better than anyone.

“I won't be here forever, Ben. And there were few years I lived that the galaxy was at peace. Unfortunately in a universe where peace is a temporary status, I don't want you and my grandchildren to be in trouble in the future and have no one to support them... I can't allow what happened at Crait to repeat.”

“I understand, mother. Count on me for what you need." Says Ben, lowering his head in agreement.

He mentally thanks her for not using an accusatory tone to talk about Crait. But his mother will probably be one of the only people not to judge him... at least those who know he was Kylo Ren.

"Are you already thinking about your grandchildren, Leia Organa?" Asks Ben to break the slight tension and manages to get a smile from his mother.

"Don't you think that after all I've been through, I don't deserve at least some babies?"

The two laugh and Ben blushes at the comment.

Behind her strong and professional attitude, his mother never hid her desire to be a grandmother, which created many situations that were even embarrassing for Ben. But after what happened to him... she didn't allow herself to dream anymore...

"Rey would not object, anyway..."

"Mom!"

"Okay, okay! I will let you discuss this with her. Now finish your coffee and go get ready. I want a meeting with you all to organize some things...”

"We all? Who?"

Leia gives an exasperated sigh before breaking the news to him.

"You won't like it... or Poe..."

+++

"Not! Definitely not!"

Poe is making a point of showing his discontent with the General's plans the whole meeting. Chewbacca lets out a menacing howl, forcing the pilot to shut up and stop interrupting Leia with his tantrums.

Ben lets out a deep breath, working with Dameron on this mission will be a test of patience for him.

They are gathered in the same room as the previous day's meeting, with the difference that now only the former princess is representing the leadership of the Resistance. Chewbacca, Ben, Leia, Lando, Poe, Finn and Rey are present.

Ben smiles at her, greeting from afar, completely ignoring Dameron's overreaction. Rey's presence definitely calms his nerves, if it weren't for her he would have strangled the pilot for disrespecting his mother... or for just being so annoying. A long time went by without needing many reasons to attack someone. And this man has already given him many.

Rey wears her jedi costumes again and the hair is back in her traditional three buns, Ben can't help thinking how much he prefers them loose.

"This diplomatic mission to Chandrilla is extremely important for the Resistance and I did not give you the option to refuse, Commander." Leia's voice is calm, but sharp as a blade. “And I demand that EVERYONE work together peacefully... including you, Ben. Am I clear?"

"Yes, General." Everyone agrees in unison, Poe just lowers his head and nods silently.

“My family has always had a good relationship with the Mothma, who are very influential politically on the planet, in addition to having several ore deposits. Therefore, their support will be important for the Resistance to gain more allies both in the Senate and in the commercial environment. In addition to being Ben's birth planet, therefore, they've known him since he was little.”

Rey looks directly at Ben and he nods discreetly at her, who smiles. Leia continues with the instructions.

"...With the end of the First Order trade embargo on the planet, you will have no problem entering the system."

Ben swallows hard, he knows this embargo, after all, it was his idea. Knowing that Chandrilla had a good relationship with the Republic and with Leia, it was clear which side the largest mining planet in his system would support in the war.

He couldn't afford anything that would compromise arms production for the First Order. Therefore, the embargo was imposed, limiting buyers and negotiations on ore extracted from the famous Chadrillan mines. Giving preference (exclusivity to be more exact) to Snoke's supporters.

“You will meet Kalis Mothma, a former senator from the new republic, who is currently retired from political life and manages the family mines. If there is one person who can give us influence in these two areas and also give us a light on who may still be working for the First Order, that person is Kalis. And if I hear yet another complaint and unpleasant comment from you, Commander Dameron, you can start planning your early retirement in Yavin 4. ”

Poe looks away and nods. Leia tried to put the commander in his place.

Finn suppresses a laugh, but it doesn't go unnoticed by everyone. Even though he did not agree with his friend's current behavior, he could not resist the general's small threat.

"When do we leave, General?" Finn asks, more excited than at any other meeting. He cannot wait to contribute his new skills to the mission. He will not go only as a combatant, but as an apprentice of the Force.

"Tomorrow. I have already talked to Kalis, he will meet you at his house as soon as you arrive. Don't forget the mission objective. Kalis is a good friend, but most of all he is a businessman and influential. I reinforce that having him as an ally will bring great benefits to the Resistance. ”

"With all due respect, General." Lando says for the first time in the meeting, he was in silence completely attentive to Leia's instructions. “Don't you think we better change this name? 30 years ago we rebelled against the Empire until it was no more and now we are resisting the First Order, which is no more. ”

“Well ... it's something to be discussed. I count on you to give some suggestions. In the right moment." Read says with a small smile.

"You won't regret it, General." Lando says with a wink to Leia, who rolls her eyes but can't help smiling. Lando will always be Lando.

“If no one else has any questions. You are all free to organize everything for tomorrow.”

Everyone present starts to move to leave the room. Chewbacca pats Poe on the back of the head, scolding him. Finn says something under his breath to Rey, but with a negative shake of her head, she dismisses him and he leaves.

Ben approaches to talk to his mother, and as soon as Rey realizes that he is not leaving, she also decides to stay and goes straight to his side, grabbing his right arm, and emanating as much calm and comfort as possible. His insecurity is almost palpable, but her touch can slow his heart.

"Mom... do you think this is a really good idea?" Ben asks in a low tone, in case the others can still be close enough to hear.

“Kalis has known you since you were born. Besides, his contacts in the Senate are not only important for the Resistance ... but for you too, Ben ... ”

He understands his mother's intention by her eyes. She still feared for him, and that they would put him on trial without first understanding his story and what might contribute to the Republic. Now Ben understands... this mission is a test. It must prove that he is more valuable free than behind bars, or dead.

Even though it is not widely known that Ben Solo was Kylo Ren, who knows this information may want to harm him in some way and even leak it. But before this happens, it is necessary to create a network of allies that sympathize with him. So this mission was given to him...

“This is your chance to prove yourself, Ben. Think about the size of your contribution to the Resistance by bringing such an influential man to our side. ” Rey says with great conviction and a twinkle in her eye, taking away a shy smile from Ben. She is so close that he can kiss her with a small nod, but unfortunately they are not alone yet.

“...And please, Ben... be patient with Poe. I want you to work together, both on this mission and in the future. Also understand that... what he passed into your hands was not easy.” Asks Leia with a certain fear of upsetting her son.

He swallows and looks away. It is very easy to simply condemn Poe's behavior without considering the trauma behind it. Ben feels his cheeks red and hot with shame and his stomach turns. As much as the pilot doesn't have the easiest personality of all and his outbursts are unnecessary... what Kylo Ren did to him was even worse.

Coming to this conclusion changes Ben's view of the commander a little... who knows how long.

Rey squeezes his arm as a form of comfort and encouragement. Don't need to be part of any Force Dyad with Ben to see the conflict in him. Her contact calmed him like nothing in the galaxy. As if every inch of skin that touches him, can hold all his broken pieces together.

He turns his face to her and finds those brown eyes with a green shift that he loves so much and that gives all the courage that Ben needs.

“I know, mom. I'll settle peacefully with Dameron. You have my word.”

“Thank you, Ben. If you don't mind, I need to have a conversation with one more contact I got. And you also have a lot to organize for tomorrow's trip. ”

The two agree silently and leave the room hand in hand.  
+++

They walk towards the maintenance yard to assist Chewbacca in reviewing the Falcon and getting it ready for the mission, thus avoiding any unforeseen events with the hyperdrive.

Ben feels his hands slightly sweaty, the last time he worked on the ship was still a teenager and was with his father ... at a time when even though his head still had a whirl of emotions, it was still much simpler than now. There were not so many memories to haunt him, in those days they were happy memories. They did not cause chills or pain like they do now.

He shakes his head and tries to shift his focus to Rey, who walks calmly beside him, just squeezing his hand tightly.

“I'm sorry I didn't see you last night. My mother and I had a long conversation, I lost track of time. I slept in her rooms. ”

"Did you tell her?" Rey asks with a wide smile.

"Yes." Ben also smiles with her excitement.

Rey smiles even more widely and stands on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek, leaving him slightly blushed. Which is quite unexpected for a man of his profile. But everything he does about this woman is unexpected.

"What about you? What did you do last night?" Ben wraps his arm around her shoulders and walks back in arms.

“Finn and I trained late. I've never seen anyone as excited as he is. Not even when I went to Ach-To to try to convince Luke to train me was I so insistent. ”

Ben shudders at the mention of his uncle's name, and Rey notices the small change in posture and looks at him with concern. He just smirks at her and changes the subject to distract her.

"How did you train like that?"

Rey still looks at him suspiciously, but doesn't insist on it. But sooner or later he won't be able to escape this conversation about Skywalker and the conflicts he still has to resolve. To continue feeding this grudge does not contribute to his “rehabilitation”.

“Well... is that Finn is sensitive to the Force, I already suspected it but he confirmed it yesterday afternoon and asked me to train him. We started a session right after that. As we finished late... I didn't want to disturb you. ”

“You would never bother me. But I wouldn't be in my room anyway. So you mean you’re a master now? ” He asks playfully.

She blushes at the comment and receives a kiss on the top of the head.

"Er... sort of. I don't know how I can be a master if I'm still training with Leia. She herself says she doesn't have much more to teach me, which I completely disagree... ”

“You have another option besides my mom. My proposal is still standing. ”

"I... want to talk to you about this too..."

"Please say yes this time, I'm tired of being rejected by you..." Ben's tone of voice is loaded with exaggerated drama.

"Dramatic..." Rey rolls her eyes. "...but yes, I want you to teach me, Ben."

Ben raises his arms in celebration and Rey rolls her eyes again but unable to contain her smile at his exaggerated reaction.

"But... I need your help with Finn."

"What?"

“Please, Ben! He is already so involved with the ways of the Force and I want to guide him properly. I need your help. We will both learn at the same time. And in the end, you and he can create a more friendly bond and... that's important to me. ”

"Emotional blackmail is a low blow, Rey. I use it a lot and I know it's true."

"Please..." Asks Rey with a more syrupy tone.

"Rey..."

"Ben..." Her voice is almost seductive, she stands on tiptoe and kisses his left cheek.

"I don´t think that..."

"Please..." Rey kisses his other cheek and looks at him with the most begging look possible.

Ben lets out a defeated snort and responds.

“Okay, just don't make me regret it. I will do it for you. ”

Rey smiles widely and throws herself into his arms, giving him a wet kiss on the lips, one that Ben has been waiting for and wanting since last night and just didn't kiss her earlier because they had company. He enjoys every second of his delicious reward. If every time he make a promise to her, he receive a prize like this, he will promise the world every day and every night. And will give it to her, for sure everything will be hers...

“But you will be the master! I will be the support teacher.” Ben claims as soon as the kiss ends.

"Deal!" And she kisses him again.

This woman will be his doom, and his greatest happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading! This was a long chapter so I had to split it! Prepare you hearts for the next one. *feels feels feels*


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben faces his ghosts, and realizes that his adaptation will not be as easy as he imagined ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand apologies for the delay in updating! I had the craziest month of my life and I didn't have enough mental health to write and translate more chapters. My family and I were diagnosed with Covid-19 and things got tense around here. But we're all fine now!  
> To reward you for waiting, this is a very long (twice the size of what I usually write) and very important chapter! So in the end you have two chapters in one!  
> I hope you like it!

Chapter 10

The iconic Millenium Falcon appears before them as a nostalgic monument. Landed at the base docks, apparently received an external cleaning after the battle of Exegol, which despite having been victorious, under the command of Lando and Chewbacca, did not leave unscathed.

The transmission antenna is gone at some point in the conflict, and it must be replaced for the tenth time, at least that's what Ben supposed according to the stories of Chewie... and his father.

He feels his throat tight, as if there's something there that he can't swallow.

He had embarked peacefully when he was rescued in Exegol, but now it is extremely difficult to take even one step further. Before, he was too worried about Rey and his broken leg to connect with the memories and feelings that this ship brings him.

For a long time this pile of scrap metal, as many say, was Han's most precious thing... at least until Ben was born. The thought brought another sting to his throat and he swallows hard to try to undo the knot that almost keeps him from breathing.

Instinctively, he presses Rey's hand, a reaction that is already becoming natural whenever his unconscious seeks comfort. That´s what she is for Ben, a safe place.

The young jedi notices the change and faces him. His eyes look at the ship with regret. The connection between them allows her to feel all the melancholy that emanates from him, as if this feeling is also her own, and her heart also sinks.

Since she became aware of the bond, she feels a sadness present in him, even in the happy moments they had recently. But that weight of all the suffering that man has gone through in the last few years is always there. In every smile, in every kiss, in the back of Ben's mind, guilt never leaves him alone.

As much as Rey is helping him to bring out the good man that she has long believed exists in him, yet she knows that some wounds do not depend on her alone to be heal.

But even so, seeing such remnants of his past life hurting him and still keeping part of his mind immersed in a dark sea of guilt and remorse, at this moment it gets to be ... frustrating.

Rey grabs his arm and gives him an encouraging smile, despite his own fear of what returning to Falcon may cause, and is already causing to Ben.

He smiles back, reluctantly and tries to distract himself with her beautiful eyes, which in this late morning light, are a beautiful shade of dark green. Still taking no further steps towards the access ramp, Ben faces the ship again.

In his childish perspective, she used to look much bigger. Whenever he was allowed to board, he felt himself entering a Star Destroyer that his mother talked about so much, but at that time, he had not even come close to one to compare. Now the Falcon looks even... small.

"Ben..."

Rey's voice takes him out of his quick trance. When Ben looks at her, his eyesight is slightly blurred, _no... no tears now..._

"It's okay, Ben." Rey says softly, stroking his forearm.

"I don't know, Rey... maybe... er ... you and Chewie should do this alone, you are more familiar with the engine than I am..."

"Ben please..."

He releases her from his arm and starts to pull away when he feels his back against a wall of hair, which also grabs him by the shoulders.

Chewbacca lets out a small howl of surprise and turns Ben, as if he were just a rag doll, to face him. Wookie's eyes become soft as he sees the sad face of the man he saw growing up, his best friend's puppy.

"Rrwwwg." The grunt is low and loving, conveying words of comfort in his native language.

"Sorry, Chewie ... I can't."

Ben effortlessly extricates himself from Chewbacca's grip, of course the wookie with his clearly superior strength lets him out, and hurries out of the hangar.

"Ben!" Rey tries to follow him, but Chewie stops her by blocking her path.

" _Let him go, Little Ben needs a moment alone..._ "

Realizing that the wookie is right, Rey reluctantly gives up on following Ben. Her heart tightens in impotence, the connection making it even harder to resist the urge to run after him and protect him in her arms.

Once again, Chewbacca is right, the time to console him will come, but Ben must learn to deal with his own ghosts alone.

This will be a more difficult road to walk than Rey expected.

+++

After hurrying through the corridors of the base, Ben finally reaches his room and falls on the mattress, as if his body weighs a ton, and his head a little more than that.

For a moment he thought of going to his mother, but probably her own sadness at Han's death would not help him at all, _a suffering that he himself caused her..._

Such a situation would only make it worse, and Leia is certainly still busy with the special meetings she called, so he soon dismissed the idea of looking for her...

When he hears the door lock activate, his cheeks are already wet with more tears he has held for so long. Just like the sobs that hurt his throat.

All pain and guilt are finally being poured out like a broken dam.

Ben didn't feel as vulnerable as he did years ago. Anyone who sees him now, would never imagine that very recently this same man was the Supreme Leader of an organization as vile as the First Order, and that he was capable of acts so terrible that they contributed to its reputation.

And it is for these acts, more specifically the worst of all, that it hurt him to even think, which spreads all his pain in the form of tears now, in a cry as painful as that of a frightened child.

Rey didn't come after him, luckily, he doesn't want her to see him like that. She faces worse nightmares than him. He needs to be there for her, he has to be _strong... for her... for them._

Ben hopes she won't come looking for him now... one hour... that's all he needs... one hour of weakness for so many years of repressed feelings.

He tries to regulate his breathing to at least draw in the air properly and not pass out because of his anxiety. Closes his eyes, concentrating on the Force in search of relief and comfort for his suffering. And in the midst of gagging and sobbing, Ben tries to meditate.

+++

Once most of the hyperdrive work is done, Rey says goodbye to Chewbacca and hurries off towards the dorm.

Despite her insistence, the wookie did not allow her to go after Ben earlier. He insisted on leaving the boy a little alone.

 _“Solo's don't like others to see them crying.”_ Said Chewie with a rueful grunt.

The declaration hit her hard. Increasing the urge to run to Ben and comfort him herself, just as he did to her, and that he would never hesitate to do again, as many times as needed... Rey to know that he was falling apart in his room... it just made it even more difficult to heed Chewbacca's request.

They remained silent during most of the work, exchanging just a few words, always about the engine.

As much as she tried to focus on the service, her mind just wanted to focus on Ben, and to make matters worse, Rey could feel a blanket of melancholy covering her, as if that feeling was also hers.

_Bond... can only be the bond..._

As in a Force work, just over an hour later Poe appears to help. Rey sees an opportunity to go after Ben. Then she makes up any excuse for Poe and hurries out of the hangar.

Her friend probably interpreted this "escape" from her as a way of avoiding him, but the jedi is more concerned with other things than with his distrust.

In the blink of an eye she is already in the bedroom pavilion. At this hour, the place is practically empty, which is a relief. She doesn't want to have curious looks staring at her now, or anyone interrupting her.

Ironically, in the corridor on the second floor, Rey recognizes Finn and Rose talking in a corner, both speaking in a low voice and apparently well focused on the conversation. They don't even notice her passing by, luckily, she would hate to interrupt or be seen by the couple.

After a few more hurried steps, she finally reaches Ben's room.

+++

His breath has returned to normal and the mind is relatively calm, even though sadness is still latent and causes a strong headache.

Meditation has always helped him to calm his spirits, which is one of the few techniques he learned from his uncle that he recognizes as really effective.

Ben leaves his meditative state with a more organized mind, which is not synonymous with the fact that all the melancholy of revisiting his father's memories is gone.

With all the confusion, he didn't notice the bag on the desk, which hadn't been there the day before. A simple canvas backpack. Ben opens it and finds some changes of clothes, nothing too complicated and elaborate, a pair of pants and some shirts, plus another pair of boots, and even a leather jacket. And again, on the same day, something reminded him of his father.

The piece could be used by him easily. It is made entirely of brown leather, without much detail, but with a stripped cut, just like the old smuggler's style. Clearly the clothes were chosen by his mother, especially this one.

“Han would be very happy to see you here, Ben. With us." Rey says behind him.

Ben turns and finds her leaning against the entrance, he doesn't even hear her open the door. The light from the corridor lights up behind Rey like a golden, making her figure look even more angelic, and he smiles at the ethereal vision of the woman who is so in love.

She returns the smile and approaches, stroking his shoulder gently. Ben relaxes at the touch, but a twinge of embarrassment makes him look away when she gets even closer.

"He would be here if it weren't for me." Ben says with regret, but relieved that Rey is finally here with him. He feels his cheeks burn, if he could go back a few hours, would avoid that whole scene in front of her, wouldn't even be willing to help with Falcon.

But, sooner or later, facing this feeling would be inevitable...

Ben feels the lump in his throat coming back and keeps his gaze focused on his feet, until Rey touches his right cheek with her fairy hands, forcing him to lift it up.

When he looks at her, his vision blurs, but he can still see all the affection that her eyes transmit. There is no judgment, only understanding... and _love_.

Rey smiles slightly, which is enough to warm his heart.

"We can't change the past..." She starts. “Neither you nor I... but we can choose what it will be from now on. And right now, Han is very proud of you, Ben... for everything you've done to get here. ”

Rey's words bring back memories of their meeting at the Death Star, filling his mind with the vision he had of his father.

The last time they saw each other in life ended in the most tragic way possible. But through the Force, Ben was able to see him again. As much as the distraction and shock at seeing him cost him an injury to his abdomen.

It could have been just that... a vision. But his instinct tells him that that was really his father's spirit, and that the Force allowed them a real farewell.

That Han had forgiven him he had no doubt... but forgiving himself... is a completely different story.

Ben pulls Rey by the elbows and finally hugs her, burying his face in the curve of her neck and inhaling the scent of her hair. He can't help but thank the Force again for having her here with him.

This small space between her arms has already become his most precious refuge. That almost makes him forget any pain he feel, if only for the duration of her embrace.

Unable to resist such close proximity, Ben places a long kiss just below Rey's left ear. Generating a strange shiver all over the young woman's body.

He awakens sensations in her that, with her practically nonexistent experience in the subject, never felt before. With a simple touch, her body responds to him in a way that is not yet used to.

In the next second, their lips are already glued together, and it doesn't take long for the kiss to intensify and Rey feels the edge of the bed touch behind her knees.

Kissing him is mesmerizing. Feeling the strong hands tightly gripping her waist and the fleshy mouth practically swallowing her, produces a frisson in parts of her body that have never been affected before.

Only when she feels her back touch the mattress, she wakes up from a trance and a sudden fear takes over her, making her stomach sink.

Realizing this, Ben stops kissing her and looks her in the eye for some answer, and only finds a twinge of... _fear_.

Her cheeks are red with shame and her face is filled with discomfort, avoiding looking at him. He moves away from her, giving her more space to compose herself and not bother her.

"I... er... I'm sorry, Rey... I shouldn't. I had to have controlled myself.” Ben's words are sincere and she looks back at him.

"It's okay, Ben... just... let's go slow, please." Rey says in a low tone and clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Yes! Yes of course! I... I'm sorry again. ”

Ben feels his face burn, it wasn't his intention to make her feel this way. He promised himself, after Rey returned to him, that he would never do anything to harm her in any way.

But here they are, in another awkward situation.

"Ben..." She touches his cheek, forcing him to face her. "It's alright." Rey smiles slightly at him, a sincere smile, reassuring him.

Ben smiles too, and lets out a sigh of relief.

"I think it's too late to ask you to grant me the privilege of hugging you tonight."

"Well... it's a little late, but I still have to talk to the general anyway, I want to tell her about Finn before we leave tomorrow."

"Do you have any doubts that she won't give you her blessing?"

"No... it's just... her approval is important to me."

"I understand, Rey."

"Are you... are you feeling better now?" She asks, referring to what happened earlier.

"Yes, yes, I... I needed to be a little alone."

"Do you stil ... need to be alone?" Her eyes are almost pleading.

Ben smiles at the reaction.

"No, no, I already had my moment."

They kiss again, now with much less fervor.

"Hungry?" She asks excitedly.

"You have no idea!"

Rey pulls him by the hand and they both leave the room.

+++

As they walk down the hall, Rose passes them like a tornado. Rey realizes that her friend's face is swollen and wet with tears.

“Rose! Wait!" Rey calls her, but the other girl ignores and disappears from view as she goes down the stairs.

Rey creases her forehead in concern and gestures to go after her friend, but she feels Ben's strong hand holding her by the elbow.

"Maybe she needs a little space too, Rey." He says calmly.

“I never saw Rose like that, Ben. She is always so cheerful, I'm worried...”

"Surely she will look for you at some point... And the war is over, which can be so serious that..."

"REY!" Finn yells from across the hall, as soon as he saw them, quickened his pace to find them. Immediately, it rings a bell to Rey.

"I think I have an answer, Ben." She says rolling her eyes.

Finn approaches and lets out a loud breath before greeting them.

“Hi Rey! I didn't know you... ”

"What did you do, Finn?" She asks, crossing her arms. "And don't be misunderstood."

"We had a difficult conversation... we talked about... difficult things."

"I already realized that, but what did you say that made her look that way?" Rey uses a reproachful tone to confront her friend, Ben just remains silent as a statue next to her.

“We... talked about us. And how things will be going forward, mainly because of this new path that I want to follow. ”

“Being a jedi? Finn, one thing has nothing to do with the other...”

“There is for me, Rey. I didn't say everything I wanted and she probably didn't understand what I intended either. I will talk to her... later. I promise."

Rey shakes her head in reluctant agreement. She would not meddle more than necessary in Finn's personal affairs. Even though her need to defend Rose makes it very difficult.

“If you guys like each other, Finn... you have to work it out with her. Rose deserves it. ”

"I know, Rey. I know."

Finn finally greets Ben with a handshake. The two men still do not seem to know how to deal with the presence of the other and it is almost comical how they are so uncomfortable with it.

“Since this matter will be resolved by you soon, Finn... I'm happy to report that Ben has agreed to help me with your training.

The former stormtrooper's expression is of surprise, and he looks at his friend with a raised eyebrow, changing his gaze from her to Ben in disbelief.

"Isn't that right, Ben?" Rey nudges Ben in the rib.

"Yes! Yes, I... agreed. ”

"Thank you so much... Ben... Er... It will be an honor to be trained by the man who saved my best friend... and master."

Ben is surprised by his receptive reaction, quite different from their other friend, and smiles uneasily. Rey is relieved to see this promising start.

“Well... I think we should start talking about training! We can talk more in the cafeteria while we have lunch.” Finn politely invites them. "I've already talked a lot with Rey on the subject, but I would also like to know your opinion, Ben... I mean... master Ben." Finn, in his enthusiasm, pulls the tall man by the shoulder, clearly against his will, and they move on down the hall. Leaving Rey behind to follow them.

Ben looks back with a pleading expression at her.

Despite his clear discomfort, she smiles in relief as she looks at the two men who recently were on opposite sides of the war.

+++

Finn doesn't give Ben much of a chance to say anything other than a few monosyllabic expressions. But although the conversation is mostly one-sided, they seem to be entertained with each other. At least so far, the older man has made up no excuse to escape the company of his new comrade.

Ben keeps playfully confused as he tries to keep up with the diversity of subjects that Rey's friend manages to deal with in just a casual conversation. To cover up the lack of opportunity to say anything, he focuses on his food and touching it discreetly.

The girl can't help but laugh at seeing his discomfort when he gives her pleading looks. Despite this, she is happy that two of the most important men to her are getting along. Or at least they're not trying to kill each other this time.

Apparently, it seems that Ben is not so prepared to have such an interested “apprentice”, even beyond what is necessary.

She hold his hand, comforting and encouraging him to be courteous to Finn.

“But what happened at that temple after all? How did you defeat him? What techniques did you use? How do you prepare for that?” Finn asks curiously.

"Nobody gets ready for this, Finn." Now it's Rey's turn to be uncomfortable, she squeezes Ben's hand even more, which he reciprocates.

“Did you finish him off, Rey? Of course it was you! Tell me everything! How I wanted to be there to see you kick that mummy's ass! ”

“Yes, it was. Rey... kicked the mummy's ass. ” Ben steps forward and answers Finn's question, and smiles to make her more relaxed with the mention of the emperor.

She mentally thanks him as he puts his arms around her and strokes her shoulder. Snuggling her closer to him. Finn doesn't seem to care about the intimacy between the couple.

“Damn! I should be there to see it! But, Rey… there was a moment… when I didn't feel you there, you know what could have happened? ”

Rey gets tense again and finds no words to answer the question without giving up all her discomfort.

But to her relief, Ben steps forward again. Saving her one more time.

“Palpatine's energy was so great that it probably camouflaged her signature in the Force for a few moments. According to the ancient teachings of the Jedi, it is more common than you think when dealing with a Sith. Right, Rey? ”

Rey nods and shakes his hand again, thanking him as he smiles warmly. Which makes Ben delighted, like every time she looks at him like that, as if he is her hero.

But as an annoying which is unfortunately becoming more common than Ben would like, they hear Finn clearing his throat, and are again interrupted.

"A training session wouldn't go wrong before the mission, Rey!"

“We have a lot to organize, Finn, we’re leaving tomorrow morning. We shouldn't even be here.”

"But Chewie and Poe are already taking care of the Falcon, everything we need is already on board and..."

“And you have business with Rose. Ben and I still have our own business to settle. See you, Finn! ” Rey pulls Ben by the hand to get up.

“Rey! Wait...! ”

Without giving Finn a chance to catch up with them, Rey pulls Ben out of the cafeteria, running away from that awkward conversation.

"Thanks for what you did, Ben." She says squeezing his arm as they walk down the hall.

"No need to thank, I saw that the subject was not pleasing you... I decided to intervene."

“And saved me again. I know this "subject" cannot affect me as much as it does, but... "

"It's difficult." He completes in a tone of recognition, Ben knows the feeling very well...

"More than it should."

The couple walks in silence, until Rey loosens his embrace and turns to him.

“If Leia isn't busy, I think I should go and talk to her soon. I don't want to postpone the subject any more... will you... be fine alone? Again?"

For a second Ben wanted to answer that no, he won't be fine without her at his side and left him with his melancholy and even... destructible thoughts. But he soon realizes how selfish it would be for him to hold her to himself, since what Rey wants to deal with his mother is so important to her.

"Don't worry, Rey. I'll be fine, I promise." He says reluctantly, with a smile that hasn´t reached his eyes, and that has not gone unnoticed by her.

"If you need me, use the bond to call me."

"As if I have any control over this..."

"Sometimes I think you do, you just haven't told me yet." She says in a playful and suggestive tone.

Ben smiles and pulls her in for a quick kiss. As soon as they split up, Rey goes after Leia and all he can do is watch her disappear around the corner.

In a selfish moment, Ben wishes Rey to be his alone, without having to worry about sharing her with anyone else, including his mother. But he soon dismisses those thoughts with a shake of head and heads for his room. He need one more meditation session to be able to face the next day.

+++

Rey is standing in front of General Organa's chambers. Leia had given her the freedom to seek her out in her private quarters whenever necessary, and since she did not feel her master's presence in the base's administrative wing, she supposed she was there.

Search the Force for any indication that Leia has company. Realizing that no one is with her, she asks for permission to enter, knocking lightly on the metal door.

"Come in, Rey!" Says Leia from inside the room, feeling her apprentice without even having to check the security camera. Rey's heart leaps in anticipation.

She very much doubts that her master is in any way opposed to the idea of her training Finn, but Leia is the closest thing to a mother, and her approval and blessing are too important for her not to be nervous.

"Good afternoon, master." Rey says closing the door behind her.

"Good afternoon, Rey." Leia greets her with a courteous smile. "Strange you look for me in the middle of the day... Ben... is he okay?" Now her countenance is one of concern, yet she lets on much less than she really feels.

"Yes Yes. He is fine. Now."

“I felt a disturbance earlier. I know it was him. ”

“As I said, he is fine now. He just needed to be a alone. ”

"I can imagine why..." The older woman's tone is lower and her face expresses a deep sadness as her eyes stare into the void.

For a second, Leia forgot about Rey. Soon after the meeting she felt a tightness in her chest, that she didn't even have to be sensitive to the Force to know that her son was suffering. Every mother would feel the same way... but again, the commitments prevented her from going to meet him.

“Maybe… all of this is being too much for Ben. I shouldn't have pulled him that far, I don't know if that mission was a very good idea. ” Repentance is clear in Leia's voice.

“Or maybe this is all he needs. Ignoring the past will not cure him of the pain of his actions. This mission is an opportunity for Ben, it is his chance... ”Rey interrupts herself, there is no need to continue the sentence. Leia nods in agreement with a slight smile as she invites Rey to sit in front of her.

"Well... I feel like that's not what you came here for. How can I help you, Rey?” Leia's smile is warm and encouraging, very different from the mask of sadness she wore a few seconds ago. Rey is more comfortable approaching the subject. And letting out her breath, which she doesn't even realize she's holding, starts to speak.

"It's about Finn... He came to talk to me yesterday, about something he was saving for a while..." Rey fumbles with the words and shakes her hands in anxiety. "... revealed that he is sensitive to the Force. And... well, he needs guidance to deal with this power and understand that..."

"And he asked you to train him." Leia's tone is not questioning, it is a clear statement accompanied by a smile. That brought a sense of instant relief to the young woman.

"Yes, he asked."

"And you accepted."

“Yes, but... I'm sorry I didn't speak to you before, master. I know I still need your guidance a lot, but Finn is so interested and committed... I couldn't say no. ”

“There's nothing to apologize for, Rey. It's good news that we have one more Force sensitive between us and that he trusts you so much to train him. But you are mistaken about one thing... ”Rey suddenly tense up and looks at her master carefully. Leia approaches the young woman, sitting across from her, holding her shaking hands. “...there is nothing else I can teach you. All the knowledge I received from Luke has already passed on to you. Now it is your turn to pass on the teachings. A jedi learns not only from its master, but also from its apprentice. ”

Rey smiles warmly at Leia, squeezing her hands even tighter. Hearing these words from her brought enormous relief to her heart.

"I still feel that I have so much to learn... and that I still need you, master."

“You are ready, Rey. You are ready a long time ago. Finn is lucky to be your apprentice.”

The general gets even closer and the two women embrace each other affectionately. And with that and Leia's blessing, this is how Rey's training ends.

+++

After several failed attempts to focus on the Force, which cost him a few hours, Ben decides to wander aimlessly through the base and take advantage of the little movements of the early evening to clear his mind.

When he arrived at Ajan Kloss, he knew that another challenging period of his life was beginning. No adaptation is easy, especially if you have just abandoned a violent and cruel lifestyle that has shaped your way of acting and thinking for years, and that has resulted in very serious actions, which are now taking their toll.

The consequences fall like stones on his shoulders, which seem to double in size whenever he needs to face it.

The Millennium Falcon is the concrete form of Han Solo's legacy, one of the physical proofs of his existence in this galaxy, in addition to Ben himself. A ship without a pilot, a son without a father. Orphaned by his own hands...

Ben feels the lump return to his throat, and squints to keep the tears from falling. He clenches his hands in fists, trying to relieve the tension, and speeds his pace towards the workshop, as if he can escape these thoughts and the ghosts that came with them.

He enters the hangar now practically empty, initially noticing only a few maintenance droids organizing the workstations, and soon afterwards he hears a loud growl of discontent, together with the crash of a metallic piece being hurled away.

Chewbacca is sitting at the feet of the Falcon, apparently having a difficult time with a piece of the deflector shield.

Ben takes a step back in an attempt to discreetly leave, but is noticed, and called out by a lower roar than the previous one. He sees no choice and approaches with his head bowed and hands hidden in the jacket pocket. He owes Chewie an explanation after what happened this morning. The wookie was clearly concerned about him and still respected Ben's need to be alone.

Chewbacca pats the bench next to him, inviting Ben to sit down. He looks at his friend's puppy with a gentle look, as if that man, not so shorther than him, is still the little boy who insisted on snuggling up in his fur, looking for some comfort in the middle of a difficult childhood.

The puppy always had everything the credits could buy, except the necessary attention, which was the reason for many fights between the wookie and his friend. Han and Leia were very involved in their own business and often forgot what was really important...

They are silent for a few more moments, until Ben takes the courage to start the conversation.

"I never asked your forgiveness... for what I did." His tone is low and he looks at his feet with shame, touching the subject is always very difficult. Chewbacca pats Ben on the back affectionately, comforting him and encouraging him to continue.

" _I owe you an apology too..._ " Says Chewie referring to the shot he gave to Kylo Ren in Starkiller Base.

Although his anger at that moment is completely justified and the death of his best friend still hurts, he cannot hate the man in front of him, who he saw grow and learned to love like his own puppy.

He remember the day Ben was born... Han handed him a tiny packet, Chewbacca held him as gently as possible with his huge, furry arms, which the baby seemed to like. His little face, still swollen and red, opened his eyes for a moment and snuggled into his chest. He never saw his partner so happy... He felt something like that himself.

Chewbacca would never hate him... Kylo Ren was a murderer, Ben is not.

"Don't worry, I think I deserved it." Ben says with a sad smile.

Chewie is silent, making only a low growl.

"I... I'm sorry for this morning too... I don't think I'm as prepared as I thought."

“ _You have to be going forward, Ben. Things will get more difficult before they get easier_. ”

"I know... they are already very difficult..."

“ _No, puppy! They are not yet._ ”Chewbacca's tone is firm, which scares Ben, subtlety has never been a quality of the wookie.

" _But we'll be here..._ " Chewie hugs Ben by the shoulders, bringing him closer. “ _I will be here for you. Han entrusted you to me once, I will not disappoint him..._ ”

Tears flow freely down Ben's cheeks, but he feels a warmth in his heart because of these words. Expected another angry sermon, but all he got is support.

"Forgive me... Uncle Chewie... forgive me for..."

" _I forgive you, Ben._ " There is sadness in the wookie's grunt, even though his forgiveness is sincere. “ _But can you forgive yourself, puppy?_ ”

Ben does not respond, he just cries more while Chewbacca hugs him tightly.

+++

Everyone is already waiting in the take-off yard. The team was already up in the early morning light to finish the final preparations for the trip to Chandrilla.

Poe is again not in the best of moods, but he is still useful in helping Finn bring the latest supplies aboard the Millennium Falcon, while Chewbacca checks the controls in the cockpit.

Leia shakes her son's hand tightly. Separation anxiety is already taking over her. Ben just returned a few days ago, and the lack of him because of so many years away has not yet passed. But she knows that this mission is extremely important to him and that not letting him go is not an option.

"Promise me you'll be fine, Ben."

“I promise, mom. It's a diplomatic mission, what can go wrong? ”

"When I was taken to the Death Star I was also on a diplomatic mission..."

"A 'diplomatic' mission to steal the plans of the Empire's greatest weapon with the 'innocent' intention to destroy it."

Leia stops for an instant, staring at Ben as she tries to contain a smile.

"It was still diplomatic." She says in an amused tone. Ben rolls his eyes and laughs softly.

"Don't worry, Leia Organa, I promise that everything will go smoothly and on schedule."

"Remember what I said about Poe..."

"Mom..." Ben pauses and looks Leia deeply in the eyes, trying to convince her of his words. "Don´t worry."

The general gives a loud sigh and hugs her son tight. She doesn't want to let him go... as if she allowed him to separate from her, she would lose him again. As it happened the last time they said goodbye, years ago when Ben went to train with Luke.

Her heart is tight, but she tries hard not to let on too much and discourages him.

“Take the droids with you, 3PO's diplomatic skills can be of great help to you. And they still haven't built a better astro droid than R2. ” Says Leia as soon as they separate from the hug.

"Are you giving up the company of your droids so that they help me on the mission or that they keep their eyes on _me_?" Ben raises an eyebrow as he emphasizes the last word.

“Hmmmm... a little bit of both. But I know you will do well, Ben. You will make it, son.”

Leia smiles at her son as she hold his hands. They hear a clearing of throat and turn to face Lando.

"If the princess allows me, I would also like to wish the little prince good luck."

"Aren't you going with us?" Ben asks, ignoring the joke.

“I'm more useful here at the moment... a lot of business to do. The Falcon is already crowded enough and Kalis would probably not bear one more guest.”

"I highly doubt it, the man loves to receive as much attention as possible." Says Leia with an eye roll.

"And what are such matters that are so important that it would take Lando Calrissian away from a mission?"

Lando just smiles, quickly exchanging a look with Leia, and squeezes Ben's shoulder affectionately.

"She's not mine to fly..." The older man reaches out and deposits a cold, metallic object in Ben´s hands. Lando didn't exactly answer the boy's question, but gave him something much more important.

Han's golden dice, which as long as Ben can remember, decorated the Millenium Falcon cockpit. The object is not an illusion this time, so he squeezes it tightly and stare at Lando with a lump in his throat.

“She was always yours, Benny Boy, take good care of her. And that includes not letting Dameron fly her. He did an almost irreparable damage the last time, from what I heard, and Rey was not happy about it.” Says Lando with a suggestive wink. "Now go to your girls."

"Thank you, Lando... I will take good care of her."

"The Falcon or Rey?"

Leia rolls her eyes once more.

"Can't your joking side resist the opportunity to make a pun, Calrissian?"

Lando smiles widely at his eternal princess, and Ben replies anyway.

"Both."

"Right answer, boy." Lando says while pulling him in for a hug.

Ben reciprocates hesitantly, however welcoming Lando has been treating him since he was rescued in Exegol, he still feels uncomfortable around the man. He killed his best friend and yet he still treats him with the same affection as when he was a boy.

Lando senses his tension, and decides to quietly say a few words on his ear.

“I'm sure your old man forgave you, Benny, wherever he is now. What makes you think I wouldn't go? ”

Ben smiles, feeling his throat tighten and hugging him even tighter. Take a deep breath, holding on to keep from crying in the middle of the hangar.

His mother pulls him in for a last goodbye hug and, without further words, he turns towards the Falcon, where Rey waits for him with a smile on the boarding ramp. And without looking back, he approaches her, his future...

Her smile mesmerizes him so much that Ben doesn't even notice behind him C3PO's robotic voice letting out complaints amid the heated beeps of R2D2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you liked let me know with a comment! xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey begins and Ben finally deals with his newest "responsibility"...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know I disappeared for a long time, and I apologize for that. But so many things happened to me this year that completely disrupted me and I didn't have the heart to write. But after a loving comment I received a while ago, I felt inspired again and finally managed to write a chapter for you. I won't go into details about what happened to me in the last few months, but I can say that my Christmas will not be as happy as expected. At the same time that I had to deal with an amount of pain that I could not expect, I found that I can be stronger than I imagined. I am not completely recovered yet, but I hope that one day everything will be fine and that the process will be long, but I will make it! Anyway, if someone is reading this I hope it brings you some joy. Thank you so much and merry Christmas!

Chapter 11

As the autopilot is properly configured, and activated, all that remains is to enjoy the rain of stars as they jump into hyperspace. It will take half a standard day to arrive, a little tight, but still long enough to come up with a strategy for Kalis.

Ben is sitting next to Chewbacca, in the captain's seat, his father's place... he dreamed of this moment as a boy, but the feeling is as bitter as it´s sweet and nostalgic.

The cockpit seems smaller compared to his old child's perspective and the memory of so many times he played and imagined a multitude of adventures with the Millenial Falcon. Fantasizing about a future in which he would join Han's crew and explore the galaxy with the emblematic ship... a wish that is somehow fulfilling, but quite different from what he had thought... and with a completely different sensation.

But his nostalgic moment quickly passes.

As soon as the seat belts are no longer needed, Poe jumps free of his seat behind Chewie and steps out of the cockpit, stamping his feet and closing the metal door with little delicacy, amid some inaudible malicious comment. Clearly to show his discontent at not being in the pilot's position, or more specifically, at losing it to _Ben_.

Ben closes his eyes and lets out a long breath.

_It will be a long journey..._

R2D2's animated beeps break the tension, and he smiles at the droid as he moves to its position in control of the navigation instruments. Even with the autopilot on, the Falcon has a certain... strong personality, but there is nothing that astromech cannot predict.

The youngest captain gets up to meet the rest of the crew, who apparently have already found something to do to kill time until they reach Chandrilla. Ben follows the characteristic lightsaber drones, and as soon as he enters the living area of the ship, he encounters Finn using his blind visor and having a terrible time with the training droid and the lack of vision.

Rey supervises his friend with an incredulous look and holds the laughter, but does not express her thoughts, so as not to discourage or embarrass him, while remaining at a safe distance. She smiles shyly when her eyes meet Ben's, who reciprocates, leaving the girl's cheeks red and hot.

Before he could approach, C3PO bursts in front of them, gesturing with his metallic arms in discontent.

“Oh My! If he continues with this visor, he will kill everyone before we even reach Chandrilla! ”

“Don't worry so much, 3PO. Everything is under control...” says Rey, giving Ben a knowing smile and a wink. Now is the boy's turn to blush,but he still blinks back. _Definitely made the right decision..._

"With all due respect, Jedi master, but I believe that you don't even believe that!"

Since he would have no exclusive attention from Rey, he decide to meditate in the captain's chambers. The wave of feelings that pilot his father's precious ship still shook him, not like yesterday, but his thoughts are still in a frenzy and need to be reorganized. And nothing like a healthy connection to the Force to put the mind in place, something he hasn't had for a long time.

But his expectation of a moment of peace ends as soon as he turns the corridor and finds Dameron and Chewbacca in the middle of an argument a second away from getting hotter.

The scene is even comical. The pilot is clearly several feet shorter than the wookie, but still looks at him with his hands on his waist in an almost arrogant posture. The man has so far spoken a few words to him, those few being very offensive, but his voice is already becoming an unbearable sound for Ben. He rolls his eyes back and take a deep breath.

Control yourself control yourself control yourself ...

He approaches and manages to distinguish the subject of "conversation".

“I used that chambers for several missions! Why the hell do I have to give it up now? For the little prince to take a nap?”

 _“You were TEMPORARILY the Falcon pilot! Who is the captain now is Ben!”_ Chewbacca's roar would make anyone unstable, but it doesn't change Poe's smug posture at all, which doesn't stop Ben from opening a proud smile and getting even closer to the two until his presence is noticed, and he definitely wouldn't let this situation to go unscathed without provocation. After all, his mother is not there to stop him.

"We all have our place here, Dameron, and the captain's chambers ... well... they belong to the captain." And go to the chambers door.

Poe takes a step forward to return the provocation, his face already red with anger, but Chewbacca holds the man with only one arm, to avoid confrontation. Apparently, the peacemaker post will be his for the entire mission...

Ben does not bother to stay to hear the pilot's complaints, and enters with a winning smile.

The room is as he remember, but older and worn. The uncomfortable bed is still in the same place, as well as the closet that once kept Lando Calrissian's most iconic collection of covers, at least that was what he boasted to little Ben, who was dazzled every time he heard how his father "won" the ship, regardless of which version of the story.

Run his fingers over the electronic panel next to the door, until he find the correct command to turn on the lights. Sits on the frayed, but impressively clean mattress. Apparently, Rey placed a certain order over there. Ben looks around once more and let the memories invade his mind.

A simple stroll with the Falcon, a diplomatic mission where his parents had no option but to take him, or a family weekend, this very rare, so much so that in the midst of all remorse, moments like this were long forgotten. But, as the pain fades and his heart heals, these memories become more and more important.

Ben closes his eyes, holding on to keep from shedding any tears. His throat tightens but he swallows to loosen the knot. _No... not now... not again._

Focus on his breathing and look to the Force for comfort. He is so unaccustomed to meditating using the light side that he feels like a mere apprentice again, but he still doesn't give up.

Ben lets the wave of almost palpable energy enter his mind and body, slowing down even his heartbeat. Nostalgic but painful thoughts are appeased with the mystical and familiar touch of the Force, as if it received him as an old friend who had not been looking for for a long time, but who is received with open arms.

The moment of peace could have lasted for hours, he could even reach the state of alpha as the old Jedi masters did...

If it´s not for the annoying knock on the metal door that resonates in his head like a bell, pulling him out of his meditative state as abruptly as a speeder crash. Making him jump on the mattress and hold on to not give a rude answer.

Without thinking, Ben gets up and with less than two steps, he reaches the door and opens it with a withering look, which instantly softens when he realizes who is "bothering" him.

Rey looks at him in surprise at the rude reception, taking a step back and raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"I... er... I'm sorry! I didn't know that... ”says Ben as he scratches the back of his neck to try to disguise his little embarrassment.

"Did I disturb anything?" Rey asks with a smile when she realizes the man's discomfort and approaches him. _You can disturb me as much as you want..._ Ben takes advantage of the proximity and pulls her around the waist, hitting her on his big and strong chest, thus pulling out a surprised squeak from the girl.

"You never disturbs me." Ben's gaze is intense and holds Rey's attention. They are so close that she can feel his hot breath, making her bewildered.

“Not here, Ben. Someone can see us...”

"Let them see us..." says Ben near Rey's ear and placing a kiss on her neck, causing a strong shiver all over her body, even in some... unexpected parts.

Suddenly, Rey pushes him into the room, closing the door behind them, ending the risk of being caught in the corridor. Her back collides with the cold metal of the wall while Ben finally captures her lips with his, taking her breath away, with a wet, thirsty kiss. She´s so distracted by the dance that their tongues make in each other's mouths that she almost forgets what she came here to do.

"Ben, wait..." She asks, even though deep down she doesn't want this request to be granted.

"Yes, Rey..." he confirms, but he doesn't stop kissing her. He can stay like this forever, savoring it and pulling out all possible moans from her.

"Ben, seriously!" Rey reluctantly drives him away and takes a deep breath to compose herself while Ben lets out a frustrated one. "I... didn't come for this... er... hm... I need your help!" Even with the twinge of frustration and he decides to continue provoking her.

"I thought I was already helping you." He replies with a wry smile, staring at her, which only makes it harder to focus.

"I need your help with Finn." Ben rolls his eyes. “Please, Ben! You promised!"

"I know I know, and I will... as long as he doesn't destroy the ship!"

"Don't worry, he only cut one oxygen pipe so far."

Ben hears a crash in the back of the ship, along with C3PO's disgruntled, robotic voice. Can't tell what the protocol droid says, but he is clearly upset.

"What?!"

"Nothing!" Rey grabs his hand and pulls him out of the chambers before he can process the information, dragging him towards the Falcon's living area, where apparently Finn is doing some damage... or rather, training.

Clearly Rey's friend is having a very difficult time with the helmet and the visor, even though he tries hard not to show it, while swings the lightsaber with dangerous confidence.

Less than a second after Ben finds him, the former stormtrooper damages another piece of furniture on the ship, scaring C3PO for the tenth time since they took off.

"I´m done, Jedi Rey. This man is your responsibility!" Exclaims the droid before leaving the room towards the cockpit. "Stop asking me to calm down R2!"

Rey gives Ben a wide and nervous smile, as if encouraging him not to give up helping her. He stretches the corners of his lips in an attempt to smile, but fails miserably, showing little confidence in the training.

"Please..." Rey asks almost inaudibly. Ben lets out a heavy sigh and turns his attention to the awkward apprentice.

_May the Force help me... the things I do for Rey..._

+++

It took a while, but eventually Finn seems to have gotten the hang of it with the training droid and the visor doesn't seem to bother him as much as at first. He still miss most of the shots, but as strange as it is to admit, Ben sees a certain potential.

The training session has been going on for over two hours, and Ben realizes that it is impossible to stay so close to Rey for so long without touching her. Then, whenever he can, he discreetly approaches her and causes every possible contact. Whether by touching his fingertips to hers, or discreetly holding her waist as if to get it out of Finn's way and his inexperienced movements. Not that she needs someone to take care of her that way, but is a good excuse to feel her warm body with his hands, even for a second.

Of course, Rey realizes what Ben is doing and don´t oppose at all, even though it feels a little inappropriate for the situation, as Finn now needs his attention more than she does. Even more because she herself doesn't feel confident enough to train him alone and the superiority of Ben's experience is undeniably valuable.

Luckily, Finn is so focused that he doesn't even notice Ben's advances. Even though he complains from time to time about the helmet, he is putting a lot of effort into the training, which brings out a proud smile from Rey.

Finn stops, turns off the lightsaber and removes the rest of the equipment with a panting breath.

“What's next, master? This thing is giving me a hell of a headache!” Finn says to Ben, who raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I am not your mast..."

"If you rely more on strength, the visor won't bother you as much." Rey interrupts Ben before he makes any comments that might hurt Finn. “And let's stop here. We have to rest before we reach Chandrilla.”

“Rest for what? For dinner at the General´s rich friend´s house and then sleep on silk sheets? ” Finn asks with some mockery.

“Rest your mind for negotiations. After all these years of dealing with politicians, I discovered that what matters is the conversation between dinner and the sleep on the silk sheets. ” Ben responds to Finn with irrefutable confidence in his words. Apparently, the endless banquets he had to attend with his mother were not as futile as he thought, they served him to learn the delicate art of politics disguised as entertainment. "Now if you don't mind, I need to memorize my ‘script’ for the meeting... come on Rey!" He says, already pulling her by the fist to accompany him and, without giving any chance of Finn having any reaction, they practically flee to their rooms.

"It wasn't discreet at all, Ben!" Rey says in a warning tone, while being guided by the hand.

"That wasn't the intention..." The two arrive at the chambers door and Ben hesitates for a moment as he looks at Rey's clearly red cheeks, he doesn't want to embarrass her. "...but it's okay if you don't want to... I mean... you have no obligation to... share the room with me in this meantime."

"No, no! It's just... well... between sharing a room with you and having to put up with Poe's grumbling in the crew's dorm, I definitely prefer the first option!”

Ben is annoyed at the idea of Rey sharing the same room as Dameron, but struggles to control his features before she realizes his discomfort.

"So if the dorm was empty, wouldn't you be here with me?"

"Stop being silly!" She rolls her eyes and pulls him in and Ben does nothing to stop her. The door closes, and they are finally alone.

"So ... what is your 'script' for the meeting with Mr. Mothma?"

“Flatter him as much as possible for his kindness in welcoming us to his sumptuous residence specially prepared for our arrival, enjoying the 'humble' dinner that awaits us, and introducing the real subject of our visit between one comment and another about his glamorous garden recently renovated by the best landscapers in Chandrilla.”

“Well… er… apparently you know the man very well! The joke about the script was not really a joke!”

"On the one hand, yes, but the fact that I have known Kalis practically my whole life helps when it comes to improvisation."

"Your whole life you say..."

"Literally! I was born in Chandrilla and it has been the capital of the New Republic for years, and the Mothma´s have always been extremely influential there, both in politics and mining. They were one of the families that most helped the Rebellion and the Resistance in the wars. ”

"Is that why the First Order embargo?"

"Exactly."

Rey looks at her feet in discomfort, it is still awkward to talk about the First Order with Ben, and everything... related to that. It´s a subject that still gives her chills.

"We will worry about it when we arrive!" She says trying to end the matter. "Apparently you are very well prepared..."

"It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable..."

"You say that a lot, Ben."

“Because it always happens. I... still have to get used to it. ”

“Not only you, I also need to get used to it. I don't want you to worry about me every time we bring it up. ”

"I will always worry about you, Rey. And everything that can hurt you."

"Do I look hurt now?"

Ben looks into her greenish brown eyes and finds nothing but peace. She smiles shyly and the flushed cheeks only make her look more beautiful. Only now does he realize how close they are when he feels her breath on his face. The magnetism between them is so great that he didn’t even notice that his feet brought him closer to Rey. It takes a minute to finally answer her, he can’t stop admiring her and thanking for the immense privilege of having her so close, without being in a hostile situation.

"No..."

It's the only thing Ben can say before Rey stands on tiptoe and kisses him on the lips.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far... you made a poor beginner author very happy! I hope my grammar has not hindered your experience so much, I accept constructive criticism, as long as they are not offensive. I learn a little bit everyday and I want to learn from you too! Thanks again to Perry Downing for all the support, I wouldn't have the courage to post this if it weren't for her help <3


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